PROPAGANDA SMASH (IN YOUR POCKET) : The government has sought to get behind its own commemorative Brexit 50p’s and push today, ordering all transactions in the United Kingdom to be conducted with the minted propaganda coins.
The new law, enabled by the Withdrawal Bill that parliament passed into law in a fucking coma, gives the executive and ministers sovereign powers to do whatever the hell they like. And they are.
It is however a boon for the struggling UK haulage industry, as significant purchases such as homes and motor vehicles naturally require a lot of 50p coins.
“To make it easier we’ve also changed the law so that the only price possible for anything is in multiples of 50p,” an aide to ‘The Saj’ told LCD Views, “The Saj apparently just wanted to cap the price of everything at 50p, but Matt Hancock is believed to have pushed back, explaining that once the NHS is dismantled and sold off in its entirety, American private health firms are going to expect to be able to charge multiples of 50p for a hip operation, or a heart bypass.”
But critics have suggested that if the UK leaves the EU, then inflation will mean entire fleets of lorries maybe required and there isn’t yet the capacity on the country’s roads to cope with that sort of traffic.
“That’s just remoaners doing what they do best. Moaning over facts and figures. Best to ignore them. You don’t get unicorns by paying attention to reality now, do you?”
Good advice.
“And no putting little stickers saying Bollocks to Brexit on our new 50p coins!” the aide warned, “if we suddenly find ten million 50p coins with Bollocks to Brexit stuck on them, well, we may feel the aim of the brain washing by coin has backfired.”
But it is likely that the real beneficiary of the minting of the propaganda smash will be any firm printing Bollocks to Brexit stickers shaped to fit on the 50p coins. We suggest getting a roll and keeping it handy for when the jingle jangle of creeping fascism starts smashing about in your pocket.