STUFFING TWENTIES DOWN A G-STRING FOR BRITAIN : A DOWNING STREET LEAK today is rumoured to reveal that Boris Johnson’s latest demands to the EU are eye catching indeed.
“It’s an attempt to combine Brexit negotiations with technological instruction,” a Downing Street source said, commenting on the alleged leak, “you can really only fully appreciate the complexities of just in time manufacturing if it’s revealed through interpretive dance.”
The thinking is that Mr Johnson will better be able to grasp, with both hands, what’s at stake in the negotiations if there’s a pair of buttocks seductively rising up and down before his face. Additionally a blonde woman looking over her shoulder and explaining how he can stiffen his resolve in negotiations if he really believes they need it more than he needs them.
“It gives a new meaning to get behind Brexit and push,” the source continued, “and adds a level of difficulty that makes it all the more enjoyable. How can you push someone if you’re not allowed to touch them? Once you get over that hurdle the backstop ceases to be a problem and actually becomes quite enjoyable.”
But critics of the latest demands from Downing Street have been quick to point out that having a perpetually horny teenage boy, with zero impulse control, in the body of a shambolic fifty something attempting to stitch up a last minute deal that decides the entire future of the country based on what he can do with his johnson is only going to lead to disaster. Or at best a deal he’ll treat like an unwanted child after.
“What do the critics know?” the source shrugged, “Mr Johnson has managed to combine his entire career with shafting pretty much everything he can. Why should the country be any different?”