MAKING A SUCCESS OF HIDE AND SEEK, AND BREXIT : Global Britons have renewed cause to puff out their chests and sing an ode to joy today. The reason being the news rubbish Churchill impressionist, and prolific social media video performer, Boris Johnson, has rewritten one of Winston Churchill’s famous speeches.
“It’s more of an update than a total revamp,” a desperate Downing Street mouthpiece said, “a total rewrite would be too much like hard work for Boris. But I think the impact of the update will be as searing emotionally as the original, dated speech.”
While the new, better text, won’t be fully revealed until Mr Johnson reads it out live on social media channels, we have been leaked excerpts and can reveal the most significant modification.
“As you can see by using the most up to date technology it was very easy for the prime minister to find the word ‘fight’ and replace it with a better word, ‘hide’. Now everyone can be proud of Brexit again.”
But critics of the move have said it would have been better to have left the original text intact and recorded Mr Johnson singing the English national anthem, “Two World Wars and One World Cup”, and then used new digital technology to have Winston Churchill singing the anthem to the House of Commons, but with Boris Johnson’s voice. Which makes sense, as there is ample black and white footage extant with which to make the deep fake.
But critics of the critics hit back at the suggestion, commenting that as Mr “Hulk” Johnson is already a deep fake, on his own terms, that it would just be overkill on the fakery front.
LCD Views would like to commend the prime minister for his wisdom, agility and courage, as exemplified by his winning of yesterday’s hide ‘n seek contest in Luxembourg.
“We shall hide on the beaches. We shall hide on the landing grounds. We shall hide from the press conferences, and from a few dozen angry British folk. We shall never surrender our hiding place…”