An unelected, unaccountable man has appeared on TV (again) to clarify just how democratic he is. He is demanding that he simply takes over everything – the EU parliament, the UK parliament, the BBC, the NHS. This, apparently, is 21st century democracy.
To make sure this happens, the man has set up his own limited company, with himself as CEO and major shareholder. With all the nasty details hidden from view, his popularity is higher than ever.
LCD Views’ Tinpot Hitler correspondent had no difficulty in arranging an interview.
LCD: Why is your new party a limited company?
THE MAN: It’s unfair that political parties are funded by the taxpayer. The private sector is far more efficient!
LCD: What does your company buy and sell?
THE MAN: We sell democracy. We have updated democracy to be fit for the modern era. My guaranteed position as undisputed leader of the new democracy ensures stability, in contrast to the shambles of the Tories.
LCD: I assume that you will be buying votes?
THE MAN: Votes cannot be bought, you know that. But we can buy lobbyists, newspaper columns, data miners, social media propaganda, and the like. So in essence, yes.
LCD: And your “party” has so far been funded by a large number of donations, all suspiciously just under the radar. Where does this funding come from?
THE MAN: Never you mind. By obscuring crucial details, we bring clarity to the minds of our public!
LCD: Is it true that you have simply assumed your position, without election or accountability, as a proxy political party, to escape the rules of the Electoral Commission?
THE MAN: Yes. I mean, no. I mean, well, it may not look democratic to you, but I assure you that democracy will develop and be better than ever!
LCD: Rumours have it that your ultimate ambition is to acquire UK plc as a wholly owned subsidiary.
THE MAN: It’s a battle for hearts and minds. Then it’s just a case of buying up whatever we can, with our friends in Tufton Street organising the finance.
LCD: One final observation. Your initials, NF, are the same as the fascist National Front.
THE MAN: And Jeremy Corbyn’s are the same as Jesus Christ, and nobody has ever called him the Messiah!
LCD: The Man, thank you.
LCD Views recommends that everyone buys shares in the Brexit Party and votes The Man off the board at the next AGM.