THE EYE OF SAURON IS WATCHING YOU : A 6th Century Anglo-Saxon ‘Tutankhamen’ is facing deportation today as he can’t provide proof of his address, or work history, for one week in 576AD.
The individual, known as Prince Seaxa, was discovered hiding out between a pub and an Aldi in Southend by gardeners excavating a flower bed, who immediately alerted the Home Office.
“He’s the perfect Schrodinger’s immigrant,” a Home Office spokesman said, “he’s both come to steal the job of an English prince and he doesn’t work. He’s the perfect nightmare for the Conservative voter. We’ll make short work of processing him. England is for the English. It’s how we’ll build Global Britain, by throwing everyone out on the sketchiest of premises. No need to vote for Nigel while Boris is in office.”
The timing of the deportation is especially relevant, given the recent descent into autocracy.
“We are perfectly capable of training our own people to be autocrats, this Prince Seaxa is not needed. Anyone saying that just because he’s related to King Saebert he’ll get preferential treatment is spreading fake news.”
Questions have also been raised over whether or not this so called prince could meet both the skills and income requirements needed to quality for even short term residency under the current short-termist, deluded and xenophobic regime of government.
“Do you see much use for sword wielding, dark age German speakers? Well? He’s a danger to the public and he can’t communicate. No one is going to pay him to run about attacking Wessex. This is the 21st Century, even if it doesn’t look like it.”
It’s believed the failure of Prince Seaxa to provide proof of residency for one week in 576AD seals it.
“If he can’t provide paperwork to prove legal residency from an era prior to retrospective legal changes to immigration status that’s not our problem. He should have planned ahead, just in case the government was one day taken over in a right wing coup.”
To make sure Prince Seaxa doesn’t go to ground again his remaining tooth enamel will be taken into custody at a deportation holding centre, prior to expulsion from mighty Britannia.
“Just wait until we find his brother, wherever he’s hiding out in Essex,” the Home Office spokesman added, “once we’ve found his finger bone, or tooth, or whatever is left, we’ll deport him too.”