CRYSTAL BALL(OT)! : Downing Street is determined to be on the front foot in interpreting the results of the upcoming EU elections, Thursday 23rd May, and has announced what the vote will mean/meant already.
”Every vote cast is a vote for Brexit,” a Downing Street spokesman, Mr B Ullshit, told reporters today, “regardless of which box is ticked, it’s a vote in favour of Brexit.”
It’s believed the thinking behind the announcement is to give people confidence their voice will be heard when they cast their vote.
”The British people have already decided, several years ago now, and nothing that has happened since can be allowed to unstuff that box. Not that there were any irregularities at all in June 2016. Whatever made you think that?”
In support of Downing Street, Bazza ‘the wonder’ Gardiner, mirrored the statements.
”We all knew immediately that the mass swing to the Liberal Democrat’s and Greens in last week’s local elections was a cry of despair at not having seen a Jobs First Brexit delivered. Similarly the few votes cast for UKIP were done so to urge them not to keep supporting another public vote. We can see by just looking at the numbers the British people want us to get on and finish Brexit. By this reasoning it’s clear right now what the result of the upcoming elections will mean. All votes for Labour are votes for Brexit. But more so, for a special customs union that will give us a veto over EU trade deals once we’ve left. We’re going to deliver on it.”
But while weighing in to support the government and the official opposition’s initiative, pro-EU campaigners have criticised Downing Street for not going far enough.
”Why don’t they just pre-mark the ballots for us? That way voting will simply be a ceremony of tuning up and having one’s name crossed off and then walking away.”
We suggest they don’t keep saying that or they’ll give the government and their allies on the opposition front bench ideas.