Downing Street extended its near perpetual state of panicked lockdown for Easter Sunday after questions were raised by receivers of its Official Brexit Easter Eggs.
“Mashing them up with fortune cookies was a nice touch,” a member of the Labour negotiating team, still pretending to search for a Brexit compromise with Downing Street commented (off the record – May’s team is also pretending – off the record also), “I especially liked the little note inside my egg that said ‘Jobs First Brexit means Jobs First Brexit’. The personal touch. May isn’t known for that. It’s improved the mood considerably. And the next egg also contained an inspiring quote, ‘If Lexit is what you seek you should choose Tory Brexit’, so all up a nice gesture.”
But it was when Downing Street took the charm offensive to the general public that things turned sour.
And it wasn’t May dressed as the Easter bunny that caused the problem.
“All the people chosen to receive eggs were pre-approved to ensure they would shout ‘Egg means Egg!’, or some other inanity, and be really chuffed. But it seems somehow a journalist not working for a Tory rag got hold of an unopened egg. That’s when the trouble started.”
The journalist, who we can’t name, apparently opened the big egg to find a slightly smaller egg inside, then another slightly smaller egg and so on. And in the last little egg was the note ‘Brexit – from Russia (and certain Americans) with Love’. On the back of that was a request for how a campaign donation should be paid via wire transfer.
It’s like the Brexit Easter Eggs are designed like Russian dolls. But we’re buggered if we can work out what the significance of it all is. I guess you’re supposed to just gobble up all the eggs and ride a sugar high until an inevitable and sudden crash.