Scientists release first image of a black hole and it’s exactly as everyone expects

Event Horizon scientists have released the first images of the event horizon of a supermassive, black hole and it’s exactly as everyone expected.

“Let’s be clear this is not a photo of the black hole,” lead scientist on the project told LCD Views, “unless you want to consider the black void that is the donut hole as an image, but for a photo you need light, don’t you? So it’s the event horizon we have captured.”

That’s fine. We’re not here to debate with you.

“Good. Now, the result really makes me wonder why we bothered. It’s turned out a bit like those experiments that discover champagne gets you drunk faster, because of the bubbles and the alcohol in champagne. Although I would contest that and say it’s because of the speed you drink the champagne that gets you drunk faster. Most people don’t drink that often because of the price and so when you get it, it’s free, at a special occasion and you get hammered.”

Is this still astrophysics?

“I didn’t think we were discussing that to start with.”

So describe the political physics for us.

“The event horizon we photographed by turning the entire Earth into a telescope [Ed. seriously impressive!] shows us that the rim of a black hole, the edge at which if you pass beyond you are doomed, is Boris Johnson stuck on a high wire.”

That’s not a surprise.

“No it’s not. Do you have any champagne to hand? I’d still like to celebrate my work and I can see you just liked to get hammered.”

We’ll drink to that.

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