Well known steam punk enthusiast and world destroyer, Darth Vader, has given a rare televised interview today.
Appearing after a summit with a self publicising Earthling, Vader wanted to ensure the result of their discussion was broadcast widely.
“I’ve said over and over, I’ll take a paternity test,” Darth Vader stated, “anything to prove that bumbling cockwomble is not my son. I’ll even go on the Jeremy Kyle Show. Whatever is needed!”
While the matter of the familial relationship between Mr Trump and Darth Vader may still be up for dispute, with many pundits suggesting the dark lord doth protest too much, no one seems to be agreeing with Trump’s blithe acceptance of Vader’s explanation for what happened to Alderaan.
“He told me, he really did,” the President of the USA told anyone who would listen,
“he said Donald, I wish you were my son. He said he’d even adopt me. We could build big, big spaceships together. Trump Cruises? Do you like the sound of that? We’ll have people work on it to make it catchier. He really loves me. I don’t blame him. You know the Emperor wouldn’t employ him unless he promised to work with me. Great, great things are happening in outer space. Not many people know this, but I’m from there.”
But what of the widely broadcast accusation that Vader destroyed Alderaan and it was as if millions of voices cried out as one in anguish before being suddenly extinguished?
”He said he didn’t do it,” Trump shrugged, “and I believe him. Why would he lie? I’m a walking lie detector. No one lies better than me. I’ll even let him take over my Space Force. We can rule the universe like father and son. Big, big things are happening in the universe. There so much of it. And he’s definitely my father. The resemblance is obvious.”
Not really, Vader has arguably a lot more conscience.