LCD Views can report that German animal rescue are facing some tough questioning today after saving Boris Johnson from a manhole.
It appears one of the fatter rats of British politics was on a secret mission to Germany to browbeat the German car industry into saving Brexit when the mishap occurred.
“The MP for Umbridge and South Rooslips was apparently making his way between the headquarters of BMW to Audi when he got into trouble,” our German correspondent reports, “it appears a troupe of blonde German women, dressed in traditional clothing and blowing horns crossed his path and the temptation was too much.”
Mr Johnson is reported to have veered off course in pursuit of the blondes, but he accidentally crossed paths with one of the multitude of scorned women from his past, coincidentally in Germany on holiday.
“In order to evade the former mistress Mr Johnson performed his classic, classy move of diving for the nearest sewer,” our correspondent goes on, “a place, politically speaking, he feels exceptionally well evolved for and safe in for being well concealed.”
But a recent weight gain caused the big rat to get stuck.
“He’s carrying so much sin around now that it’s no longer possible for him to hide in the shadows. It was bound to go wrong.”
Quite why German animal rescue services didn’t just leave him squealing in the manhole cover is anyone’s guess.
“They’ll be some tough questions asked that’s for sure,” our correspondent ends, “but a deep sense of relief will be felt at the headquarters of Audi as the mishap seems to have permanently postponed Mr Johnson’s visit. But it’s bad luck for the Brexiter personally, because if the German car industry won’t save Brexit at the eleventh hour, then no one will.”