Theresa May announced to the House of Commons yesterday that as part of ongoing government preparations for Brexit she will begin wearing military uniforms whenever talking to voters, or addressing parliament.
”She hasn’t decided on what rank to give herself,” Mr Cavalier, policy aide to 10 Downing Street told us, “but clearly it’s got to be senior. Once she settles on what kind of general she is then we’ll have a parade.”
Will everyone be invited?
”They already are, whether they like it or not. But she has the overwhelming support of a majority of the British people for this change in style, both dress and management. She’s really just following the instructions of the people.”
I guess she’ll be needing medals too?
”Yes. She’s now many famous victories defending the motherland. She’s won the war on immigrants. She triumphed over the poor. She’s just destroyed a sense of financial security for millions, that was do or die. Imagine the chaos now if Ed Milliband hadn’t fallen into the bacon sandwich trap? And May’s predecessor Corporal Cameron had lost? It doesn’t bear thinking about. Oh, and parliament will now be in permanent recess, as a mark of respect for General May’s wisdom.”
But what has the Labour leadership to say on this?
”It’s okay,” a spokesman for Jeremy Corbyn commented, “it paves the way perfectly for when Jeremy seizes power once the bourgeoisie are eating out of bins, post Brexit. He’s already practising wearing a beret and giving six hour talks straight to a television camera.”