LCD Views has exciting news for lovers of a democracy so polarised it’s in danger of entering an unexpected ice age, with the announcement that brutal wordsmith Theresa May is to debate an empty chair on December 8th, just days before the Commons votes in a way she’s guaranteed to ignore.
”Clearly Sturgeon, or anyone Scottish and fish based is right out,” organiser of the event, BBC Producer Mr Pro Brexit told us, “you see the way that Blackwater or Blackcrossing or Blackbridge, oh, forget the little details, the burly Scots chap who takes her on in the Commons, asks all the questions Corbyn’s handlers won’t even let him know exist? Yeah. Keep him up north. And the rest of them. Rebuild Hadrian’s Wall I say! Ha!”
But what about Caroline Lucas?
”Jesus wept, what sort of psycho are you? May would get eviscerated.”
Vince Cable?
”Get out! Sneaky bloody Libdems thought up the People’s Vote strategy. And he likes some facts that old man. If he hits her with a fact it’ll be like a rain shower on the wicked witch of the West.”
Clearly then leader of Her Majesty’s Loyal Opposition and world famous market gardener, Jeremy Corbyn, is the man for it?
”What’s the point? Seriously? A Brexiter debating a minor difference between two Brexits? Both cake and eat it fantasises? It’ll be a snooze fest, unless one of them loses their temper. Which is possible of course, if the other goes off the pre-approved script.”
So an empty chair it is then?
”Yep. Ms May is used to droning on pointlessly at a cabinet devoid of substance, so another bit of furnishing was thought the safest bet for her to repeat ‘the people are uniting behind my vision of warehousing the intentionally homeless with Brexit’ for an hour.”
That’s strange, I would have thought the whole idea of the so called debate was a pre-arranged plan behind closed doors between the Brexiters and the Lexiters to ram home to the British public that if they have to starve so two extremes can fight it out for an ideological insanity then so be it, there is no other choice.
“Oh bugger.”
What?
”I’ve got to cancel the chair and call Corbyn’s handlers.”