The elephant in question has finally had enough of being tactfully ignored. It has grown to such a size that even Theresa May is having difficulty keeping it out of sight. The moment she looks it squarely in the eye is the moment her faltering leadership finally ends.
“My deal, no deal, or no Brexit!” squealed the Prime Minister, cornered and desperate. She has since denied acknowledging the elephant in a transparent attempt to replace the blinkers.
“We would be better off in the EU than if we left,” said Philip Hammond, carelessly letting the cat out of the bag. “Of course, what I really mean is that Brexit must happen but you won’t really notice its effect that much. Honest! Trust me, I’ve used so much creative accounting on the Impact Statements that you really wouldn’t think that Brexit is that bad.”
The elephant has been encouraged by the Brexit zoo. With Theresa May’s dead dog of a deal, the pigeon chess Brexiters, and the tiger economies licking their lips over the imminent chaos, the UK has clearly been sold a pup. The elephant proposes to trumpet its virtues, take the trunk route to the ivory tower, and clear all the bullshit out of Westminster. The cat is firmly among the pigeons.
As the elephant forces itself doggedly into plain sight, expect rats to leave the sinking ship. The likes of Boris Johnson, Jacob Rees-Mogg, Nigel Farage and their nest-feathering chums will attempt to flea, only to be caught at the borders because they insisted that free movement must cease.
The effervescent elephant has denied any relationship with notorious Europhile elephants such as Babar, Nellie or Donald Tusk.
The elephant has promised a manifesto of cancelling Article 50 forthwith, prosecuting those responsible for criminal behaviour under the Brexit umbrella, and redistributing wealth more equitably.
The country is about to undergo a mammoth change.