Nigel Farage was in a forgetful mood today when he used his famous LBC Breakfash show ‘Bring Back the Fash’ to deny knowing Arron Banks.
“I’ve never met him. I’ve never heard of him. Frankly, and I want to make this perfectly clear, I don’t know who you are talking about. I don’t even have car insurance. So why would I know this man I don’t know? I get chauffeured everywhere anyway, as it helps pay the bills of the hardworking man in the street.”
He paused, the sound of a man wringing the sweat out of a shirt collar could be heard, before Nigel ‘potatriot’ Fuhrerage went on,
“The only bankski I know, and everyone who’s been paying any attention at all to my efforts to stand up for the average man in the street knows this, the only bank I know is the one my EU MEP salary is deposited in. Which is not paid in roubles,
”Which is a laugh, when you consider how little actual work of representing the people of Thanet I do in the undemocratic, fully elected parliament of the EU. And is a complete scandal since they docked half my salary for misuse of funds.”
The clarification by Nigel of who he does and doesn’t know was timely, given that his presumed close associate Arron Banks is now under investigation by both the NCA and the FCA.
”The last time Arron and I spoke, completely by chance, as we’ve never met, I told him Arron, you keep using that curious cash supply of yours to target Tory MPs in their actual seats, the establishment will get you. Remember you’re more disposable than a used nappy full of corn and shit. Don’t push your luck. But he wouldn’t listen as he assumed that just winning the EU ref with dirty tricks immediately gave us superpowers the kind any far right coup assumes. But it’s not over damn it, May bottled the election last year and oh, let’s not talk about it, I’ve some shredding to do and I’m going to do it live on air all day.”
But he did have one piece of advice for the man he’s never met.
”Whatever you do, don’t tell them we’ve ever met,” Nigel pleaded, “I’ve enough trouble as it is with Mueller breathing down my neck.”