Queen Elizabeth II has shocked the pants off no one except the so called BBC political journalists today with her announcement that she will shortly abdicate so she can start meddling in UK politics, like a pro.
”I’m fed up with the whole amateur hour, afternoon matinee full of second rate understudies,” Her Maj told a shocked audience during a surprise appearance on BBC daytime show ‘Politics Live’,
“but I can’t sit this rubbish out any longer. My husband is an EU immigrant, my grandchildren are marrying immigrants who the hostile environment would eat alive if we weren’t so stupendously wealthy, my ancestral background is a smorgasbord of European peoples, and worse of all, Theresa May keeps turning up week in and week out to ignore all my advice. Time’s up. Move aside clowns. We is rolling our sleeves up bro and we is going to get one’s hands quite unregally filthy.”
As part of the change the Queen is going to establish a new, left of centre political party, with a republican undercurrent, to take on the Brexiters.
”Far left and far right are championing a political project birthed in the bowels of the worst fascists on the mortal coil. For what is Brexit? The isolation and reduction of one’s kingdom for the empowerment of men whose hands are so black with dirty, kleptocratic wealth and dreams of feudalism that it makes me want to get the old block out and chop. But instead I’m going to run for election. If that doesn’t force a GE then I don’t know what will? Let’s have at you kippers and Lexiters! I am going to wear your guts for garters!”
What the Queen intends to call her new party wasn’t clear, but is due to be revealed after she installs Prince Andrew on the throne.
”But why Prince Andrew?” a dumbfounded Andrew Neil asked, so shocked he forgot to curtsy.
”Because that’s who you rotten lot deserve!”
At which point she left the studio, leaving the programme’s host to mutter sadly.
”I can’t beleive how bad this is,” Mr Neil stammered, “I thought she was here to offer me a peerage.”
To rub salt into the wound, she left her EU hat on a chair.