Theresa May is well positioned to trump Boris Johnson’s big speech of yesterday when she begins her second last major addition to British oratory with the well worn classic turn “I’m not a racist, but”.
The penultimate prime minister of the United Kingdom will take the stage later today in front of letters welded to a backdrop that in the words of the designers are “strong enough to survive a nuclear blast, but maybe not the corrosive atmosphere in the conference hall, so she better talk fast.”
It’s rumoured she will also be carrying her own P45, but that is just standard, as every day she wakes up expecting to need it.
”She’s really going to stuff Boris with I’m not a racist, but, it’s the truth of course and it will hit home in the hall. Especially with the young battalion of future Tory MPs there. They’ve learned to say it with their mother’s milk.”
To underline her creditionals she will further explain her new immigration scheme.
”People smuggling. We are going to boost that astronomically as landed born to rule types import their domestic workers illegally after Brexit. Best of all you won’t even have to pay them minimum wage as they’ll be hiding from the Home Office special police all the time.”
In addition to this exciting development the Prime Minister will also promise and extension to the hostile environment policies to embrace anyone not born in a Home county.
”The go home vans are coming back too, well, assuming we can get enough proper British people out of the ration queues with the strength to drive them.”
Opportunity, but. Modern conservatism.
”And given the official opposition has also pledged to leave the single market, the overwhelming majority of voters get to be chorus.”
Now all together Global Britain, this is our government, in one voice say, I’m not a racist, but.