Esther McVey blew them away today at the 2018 Conservative Party Conference in Birmingham with the release of ‘Youth Sweep’, a smart phone based app that will ensure every child has work, no matter how disasterous the post Brexit world is.
Esther agreed to speak only to LCD Views after the release of the app, WHICH WORKS, an honour we felt keenly.
”Do you have any children?” Esther began the interview, “and if so, are they at school or are they adding to the vital output of Brexitannia by working?”
We had to admit they were currently at school.
”I’ll soon see to that. Working with the Chancellor and our colleagues in the department of Education we are going to make state education so expensive, by way of endless parental top ups, that you’ll soon have to choose which child to educate and which to send out to work. Well, if you want to eat in the post Brexit inflation driven food shortage crisis that is.”
Maybe we could educate one and eat the other? Two birds with one stone?
”Oh, have you been talking to Gove? Do you know if he’s backing Boris or Jacob?”
We couldn’t say. We suspect he’s telling everyone he’s backing them. But let’s hear more about this exciting app?
”See chimney? Well, stuff a child up it. That’s my motto.”
Send your child’s dreams up in smoke?
”That’s why we get up in the morning, we modern Conservatives, so completely corrupted by greed and a mixture of American neocon and Russian kleptocrat cash!”
You are certainly making great strides!
”But there is one important restriction on who can download and find work with the Youth Sweep app.”
And that is?
”Any family rich enough to buy their children an EU27 burgundy passport to go with their British blue will not be allowed to take jobs from the poor.”
That’s very kind of you.
”Full child employment and zero education, that’s my motto!”
You certainly have a lot of mottos.
”I do. Now, have you got any Dalmatian puppies?”
How many do you need?
”101 ought to do!”
Download ‘Youth Sweep’ today, get your child prepared for the employment of tomorrow.