Play up! Play up! And play the game! Long game, or game for a laugh? It’s just not cricket.
And where games are being played, gambling is not far behind. Are there long odds on the long game? You bet.
Theresa May is prevaricating about the bush, filibustering the best she can. Playing for time. When the final whistle goes, at 11pm on 29 March, 2019, if neither side emerges victorious, then we go to a shoot-out.
This is the way it will work. On the principle of Russian Roulette, there will be a revolver. This gun will, unusually, contain a full quotient of six bullets instead of the usual single bullet.
The team captains will take it in turns to point the loaded weapon at their temple, and pull the trigger. Last man standing wins.
This much we already know: Theresa May has successfully negotiated for the UK to take the initial shot. Britain First, she insisted.
May is going for the big win. She will shoot, presumably score, and by winning the game, she will lose.
This most pyrrhic of victories will be celebrated back home. Already plans are in place to mark the occasion with a massive festival. In true Brexit fashion, the party will most likely resemble a wake.
This is what being British is all about. Snatching glorious defeat from the jaws of victory, and boasting that it was deliberate, and even heroic. That’s the Dunkirk spirit!
The soundtrack will be provided by Frankie Goes To Hollywood. When two tribes go to war, one is all that two can score. May and Barnier will reprise the Gorbachev and Reagan roles of the 80s nuclear willy-waving years.
The starting pistol has been fired. The UK is still in the blocks, wondering which way to run. Our leaders have put a gun against their own heads.