A world famous child psychologist has advised the EU27 group of countries to ignore Conservative Party ministers acting out at the ongoing professional Con Artists Conference in Birmingham this week.
”They think only their immediate family is looking at them,” Dr Brit People told the EU27, “they’re used to being indulged and getting what they want. To be told no is very hard for them to process after so much spoiling. Thus, they are acting out in an attempt to force their will across the entire family. Give me what I want to shut me up. If you don’t give me what I want I’ll make your life hell. It’s painfully embarrassing. Our entire family is going to have to apologise for a long time. The longer this goes on? The more the spoilt brat is exposed in a broader social sphere? Pretty grisly.”
But isn’t the behaviour also a cry for help?
”You mean because the child has gotten itself stuck after doing something it was told not to do? And is now doubling down in the hope that just getting it to stop will take precedence over the bad behaviour?”
Something like that.
”Sometimes yes. But all children need to feel certain they understand where their boundaries are. This gives security. If the boundary is uncertain a child will behave badly to have the boundary become visible, and thus return to a state of balance. Mother is watching, the tiger hidden in the long grass won’t get me, because mother is watching.”
But what if the child has only ever had a nanny? Say, someone like Jacob Rees-mogg who famously has kept the nanny into adulthood?
”Similar principle. Although there maybe a deeper insecurity to do with who actually gives a shit about me really, formed in the early years, in the case of JRM. The age of that particular child now? I wouldn’t hope for reform. Best to just exclude from school to spare the other big kids further corruption.”
So Foreign and Commonwealth Secretary Jeremy Hunt’s outburst, in which he likened the EU to the Soviet Union?
”Oh that, that’s just because Jeremy Hunt is a…um…how do you say?”