It’s commonly believed that Britons do not understand global issues. Some Brexiters do not seem to realise that there’s a whole world out there. This is Global Britain.
The Brexiter in question, Jean Poole from South Insularity, Middle England, explained. “It’s obvious, isn’t it?” she asked. “It’s in the east, between Essex and Norfolk. It’s in the middle. Stands to reason.”
Her husband, Hartley, agreed. “It’s called the Middle East for a reason,” he said. “I don’t know why there’s always such a fuss about it, I mean the people there are a bit strange, but so what?”
LCD Views’ Wider Horizons correspondent tried to explain that it actually means the group of countries where Europe, Africa and Asia come together.
“That can’t be right!” claimed Jean. “I went to Suffolk once. You get to the edge and then there’s just sea and stuff. That’s it. There’s nothing else. You can’t go any further.”
“And they say that even that is eroding away!” Hartley chipped in. “Little England is getting littler all the time. Time to stop all the foreigners coming in, there’s less land than there used to be when I was a kid.”
Have you ever left the country, we asked.
“I’ve only left South Insularity six times in my life!” claimed Jean. “I can count them on the fingers of one hand.”
“Who would want to leave?” asked Hartley. “We are all one big happy family, and we want to keep it that way.”
“And we don’t want any outsiders,” said Jean. “That’s why we voted for Brexit. What if all the people from North Insularity, or, God help us, Church Insularity, decided to come here?”
“They say they marry their sisters!” said Hartley, darkly. “And some of them have two heads!”
Further investigation revealed that they thought Turkey was in America, Bahrain was a pub with a leaky roof, and Kuwait meant standing in a long line of people.