The slender seventeenth century throwback has defended his faction’s action deficit disorder. There is no forthcoming Brexit plan from the European Research Group, because that was the plan all along.
“It’s quite simple,” Mogg explained. “We cut all links to the continent, and revert to Magna Carta. Article 6, section 2, subparagraph 3.5 clearly states that ‘Anie hyborn Manne which poffeffeth in excefs of twentie-fix caracutes of land fhall bofseth the living Shitte out of anie Plebbs subfifting thereupon’.”
It’s a throwback’s throwback. Mogg predicts the return of Merrie Englande.
“Mediaeval England was a jolly fine place,” he asserts. “Colour, castles and crusades. It was a time of pageantry and conquest, and English gentlemen were honoured and respected.”
Some of Mogg’s colleagues in the ERG were less sanguine.
“In fact, none of us could agree what Brexit actually implied,” grumbled Rod Formy-Ownback, MP for Gammon-on-the-Grill. “Was it deregulation? Anti-immigration? Prejudice? Pride led to us all claiming to have always known. Entrenched in contradictory positions, it all fell apart.”
“We have spent the last forty years grumbling about the EU,” observed Gordon Bennett, MP for North-West Gobshite. “Grumbling is what we do. We snipe, moan and criticise, but never in a constructive way. We are demolition agents, not creatives!”
It has been suggested in some quarters that a catastrophic Brexit might be an opportunity for well-placed individuals to profit.
“Well, yes, that is indeed my hidden agenda,” confirms Mogg. “No need to hide it any more. I have the government in my pocket. Labour is disappearing up its own arse. All I need to do is ensure that we continue to hurtle over the cliff edge. Wait for the dust to settle, and you will discover that Lord Rees-Mogg now controls the whole of the West country.”
We can’t wait. Olde Englande, olde danger. In which we serf.