LCD Views can report fantastic news today for lovers of traditional British democracy, and Tory MPs who appear to have been taken from the 19th century, dress sense, social views and all.
”Jacob Rees-mogg is to be cryogenically frozen,” an aide to the slender man told us exclusively, “and thawed out once the benefits of Brexit occur.”
The plan involves a bunker jammed with science stuff somewhere on his sprawling Somerset estate and is expected to be in place before the advent of the No Deal Brexit he’s working so hard to achieve.
”Funny how achieving nothing can actually achieve a lot,” the aide mused, “especially if you don’t want your country to have to adhere to the new EU rules on tax dodging coming into place just after the end of the UK’s Article 50 notice period. Oh and if you think poor people should have a healthy dose of chlorine in their diet.”
As to whether or not the timing of the UK’s exit out of the EU is in anyway related to London being a giant money laundering machine is not for us to speculate.
We’re more interested in how long we’ll be without Jacob’s long shadow cast across parliamentary process. Oh and how his Dublin based investment business is doing. Talk about having your cake and eat it. His consumption of financial cake, in and out of the EU, is set to continue during the cryogenic sleep.
”There won’t be much parliamentary process after Brexit,” the aide reassured, “rubber stamp stuff. So we don’t have to worry about Jacob not being in the voting lobbies. Even if personally I’m in favour of wheeling him in and out of them,
“anyway, Jacob thinks fifty years ought to do it. He’s going to be frozen now so he’s still fertile when he is revived to rule the land like a lord of darkness. Hopefully medical science will make it feasible for him to live for eternity once he awakens from the crypt again. I mean cryogenic facility. Cryogenic. Nothing to do with crypts. Nothing. But please, no garlic or garlic based products. They play havoc with cryogenics.”
It seems too the autocratically minded, energetic MP expects his many children and anticipated grandchildren to rule in his place during his slumber.
”They should have gone on to breed an army of Mogg’s by the time he cracks the ice off his eyelids and rises,” the aide added, “and then Jacob can really feel the benefits of Brexit. Because Brexit ultimately means the death of democracy. And that’s a Brexit benefit we can all enjoy. Especially as we’ll all be serfs.”