Brexit-loving England fans have become conflicted after discovering that Croatians carry blue passports. So much so that some of them are actually supporting Croatia this evening.
Government outrage over the revelation has given Theresa May another headache. Michael Gove is threatening to resign over the issue. “It’s cultural appropriation, that’s what it is!” he drooled. “The British invented blue passports before anybody else!”
LCD Views spoke to erstwhile England fan Marcus Absent about the passport problem.
“I voted to Leave, and Leave means Leave!” he spluttered. “We want our country back, we want to take back control, but most of all we want blue passports! As soon as I found out that the Croatians had blue passports I just had to start supporting them.”
That’s not very patriotic, we ventured.
“Blue passports are more important than anything else!” shouted Absent. “I don’t care if the country goes down the pan like one of Boris’ turds, so long as I have a blue passport!”
Back in Westminster, Michael Gove was spitting feathers.
“I can’t believe that an upstart Johnny come lately shithole country like Croatia can have the blue passports the EU denies us!” he bibbled. “The UK has been a rule-taker for far too long. I’m seriously considering resigning over the matter. It’s the principle. You can’t argue with democracy!”
Amid the fuss, a football match is going on. Many fans are looking forward to their first semi in ages. Many of their wives are hoping that brewer’s droop will save the day.
Nobody is wishing to predict the outcome. England have the advantage of a magic waistcoat, but the disadvantage that they have nobody on the left wing. Not even Jeremy Corbyn.
Football is definitely coming home. Wherever home may be. It was born in the UK but has long since emigrated. Let us hope that football carries a blue passport.