An unupdated edition of the Karma Sutra focusing on Brexit has been criticised by people who ordered the illustrated handbook for only giving positions for screwing yourself.
”Trouble starts with the foreword,” disgruntled reader Mr B Usiness told LCD Views’ book reviewer, “I was expecting Gavin Williamson to have penned an encouraging introduction in which he would liberally mention KY jelly, enough to lead people to suspect he was sponsored to do so. But no.
Maybe acclaimed swordsman Boris Johnson with a go and f*ck yourselves outburst, which would have fitted right in with or without lube, but not Jeremy Hunt. I mean the man’s a complete and utter…”
It seems Hunt received the honour because he is the most recent throbbing member of a tumescent cabinet currently screwing an entire country to take aim at one Tory ‘friend with benefits’ casual partner.
“You know the kind of special, loose and pretty bloody agile friend you call up when alone and drunk, horny, need some good loving and in any position you like. Just finger a page in the book and off you go.”
Hunt made a late night, drunken call?
”Well Tories and business have been screwing each other senseless for a very long time of course,” our book reviewer noted, “in every conceivable position and often in a very orgiastic way, so to see Jeremy Rhymes-With tell a big swinging organ of industry to shut up and go f*ck themselves on national television, well, blow me!”
I gather it’s affected sales of the handbook?
”It’s not what I ordered when I shoved all that cash in your pocket for the 2015 and 2017 elections and you promised me a sweet and sticky time, is the complaint.”
So why do it? Why not release a book showing major industries on top in the usual Tory gang bang?
”A film release I think, featuring mountains of cash over years.”
What’s the film?
”From Russia With Love.”
Oh, I thought it would have been ‘Last Bojo In Paris’. I’m returning my copy the moment it arrives.
“No. Still buy a copy of Brexit Karma Sutra please,” our book reviewer adds, “Brexit so far is just foreplay, as we go forward in a smooth and orderly fashion it’ll be nice to have the pictures to refer to as 68M people set out to royally f*ck themselves.”