A disgruntled former Number Ten staffer has revealed the ‘missing link’ between London and Moscow. Not only the existence of a secret tunnel beneath Europe, but also that its unofficial name is “Putin’s Passage”.
The true name of the tunnel is the Trans-Continental Expressway. It was apparently built in great haste by Carillion after David Cameron surprisingly won the 2010 election. It means that personnel, documents and money can be transferred without detection between the two global giants seeking to destroy the EU.
It is also alleged that Arron Banks has often used it when going to visit his Russian in-laws. The fact that he could kill two birds with one stone and act as a go-between is entirely coincidental.
This means that Russia is undermining Europe quite literally as well as metaphorically.
None of the mainstream media wanted to run the story, because Brexit is boring, innit, and besides there’s a football tournament starting up soon. So whistleblower Anne Othergrass spoke to LCD Views instead.
“I felt a duty to speak out,” said Othergrass. “A hell of a lot of public money was diverted away from the NHS to pay for the tunnel and bonuses for Carillion’s directors.”
Didn’t the Russians contribute?
“They set up all the sub-contractors,” she replied. “Shedloads of roubles passed through Carillion and these other companies, and paid massive dividends to the Russian government.”
So how come Carillion collapsed?
“Oh, that was to avoid scrutiny!” she said. “And also to duck out of any obligation to provide public infrastructure in the UK.”
The tunnel’s nickname arose, Othergrass confirmed, because of the sheer amount of shit the Russians dumped on the UK government. “Take the shit or the money stops flowing,” was the threat.
So Brexit proceeds, driven by the Spirit of Empire Past in the west, and funded by the Spirit of Empire Yet To Come in the east. Stuck in the middle with EU.
And now we know exactly how far Brexiters are up Putin’s Arse.