LCD Views can reveal mass outbreaks of relief across these patriotic blue islands today as news filtered through that the last millionaire Brexiter had secured burgundy passports for himself and his children.
“It’s just wonderful,” Ms Stukathom told us, while we lined up to bulk buy beans for the impending Brexit, “my children have been asking me over and over lately, mummy, what if those poor disaster capitalists that have engineered the calamity get stuck at home? Unable to flee to a nearby European country with sufficient food? And what about the Lexit kings? Will they be okay? Warm in their bellies knowing that the food riots are just eggs breaking to make the omelette of their decades long fevered dream?”
It seems Ms Stukathom can reassure her anxious young that it will be okay, none of the people who have lied through their teeth to damn an entire country for their short term profit, their ideological wet dream, and the furthering of a certain kleptomaniac’s international, statecraft agenda, need worry. They and their families will be okay.
“Do you think this supermarket will be ground zero on the day?” she asked us next, “I mean, once people realise that with only a few days worth of food in the country, and Dover a parking lot for the foreseeable future, it’s going to be a riot doing the grocery shopping.”
We think she is quite right to raise the issue.
As a responsible international, solely print media, tabloid style, truth owning publication of long standing renown going back months now, we would like to advise anyone still reading to do one thing and one thing only in preparation for Brexit.
Firstly, don’t worry about the millionaires that cheated to get you into this situation. Don’t worry about the leaders of the major political parties jamming the United Kingdom into calamity for their own personal ambition. They will all be alright.
But secondly (okay, two things), START BULK BUYING TINNED FOOD AND CANDLES NOW! Learn to set a snare. Learn to light a fire with sticks. Do it today.
And remember, if you only have a blue passport in the future, and richer and/or better connected people still have burgundy ones, you’ll be able to trade your pets in at the many makeshift government border crossings in order to get through and claim political asylum in the EU27 country of your choice. Assuming you haven’t already eaten your pets.
Those nights guarding the fully controlled borders of mighty England are going to be as long and at times as cold as Norther Korean ones. The guards will appreciate a warm meal as they clutch their blue passports tight and watch you scurry into a boat and away from Dover. Or any of the many other hundreds of ports of your choice.