There are reports of mass confusion and rage amongst the gammon electorate, and the true believers following any messiah they can find, today as latest polling by Sum1PlsGov reports Belgian MEP Guy Maurice Marie Louise Verhofstadt has overtaken ‘Don’t Know’ as preferred prime minister of the United Kingdom.
Mister Guy had yet to comment on the surprising result at the time of going to print, but close aides suggest the Leader of the Alliance of Liberals and Democrats for Europe is taking it in his stride.
“No shock here, after he called out Nigel Farage as the Russian cheerleader that he is, arguably doing a lot to further Putin’s presumed aim of smashing up the European Union, hand in hand with sociopathic tax dodgers and kleptocrats from all over the globe,” someone claiming to be an aide told us, “also it’s probably to do with the words Liberals and Democrats being included in his party’s name. The UK is reportedly withering on the democratic vine for want of such words in action.”
But avid reader of The Daily Fail, Mr Pork Scratchings, was livid,
“He’s got woman’s names!” he told us, “woman’s names! How the hell can he be a Guy with woman’s names!”
We weren’t getting much more out of Scratchings, so we looked for something quotable from the cult following that old guy about who carries a sandal and a little red book wherever he goes.
“This so called democrat is undermining the leader!” bellowed the faithful, “undermining the leader! Without total faith, and complete failure to examine the leader’s behaviour, there is no chance of the leader becoming the leader! It’s a betrayal of the leader! I need someone to lead me! Don’t threaten my emotional investment in the leader! He can’t try and stop Brexit, regardless of the fact that not being able to stop bad things happening, but being prepared to resist them, is the sum total of his whole career! Now is not the time to resist. Once the entire country is a smoking ruin, that is the time to fight back! Till then, stand in the rain with your powder and keep it dry!”
As to a quote from the mass of other people in the United Kingdom, daily reading reports of the economy going to hell in a hand cart, and racists mass demonstrating on the streets of the capital, along with tearing up of established democratic norms, there was only silence, because their views no longer count as the United Kingdom had its last vote of consequence in an opinion poll a couple of years ago now.