Theresa May MP and Jeremy Corbyn MP, rightly regarded as the greatest political leaders England has ever known, are to push on with Brexit this week, because that’s what the people voted for in an opinion poll years ago.
“There is nothing remotely fascist about Brexit,” an aide to the prime minister told us, while preparing for the parliamentary handbags to come, “it doesn’t matter that most of the main pushers of Brexit look a bit, well, dubious? They’re just patriots. Really good at being patriots. Did you know if you keep saying something it becomes true?”
The pushing will be done in the House of Commons at the Place of Westminster.
“It’s going to be very interesting to see how May fares,” the aide observed, “because the main concern is the unity of the Conservative Party. That is the guiding principle for any duly elected representative of the people. It doesn’t matter how damaging that unity is to say, the fishing industry? Agriculture? Services? Well, it’s a long list. So long as a Tory bum is on the chair at Downing Street, the country is headed in a direction.”
As to the other side of the coin? Mr Corbyn? What’s he going to get up to.
“At a guess he will try and keep both leavers and remainers happy by doing just enough to be spun to both groups a message that he has their backs. Really, the most important thing for the leader of the official opposition is to do whatever it takes to serve ill perceived notions of what is in the best electoral interests of that party. It doesn’t really matter if the evidence of external interference in our democratic process is now so sky high you’d have to be bat shit crazy to continue to support the government with Brexit.”
What if you’re wrong? What if the leader of the official opposition takes the next couple of days to take huge chunks out of the insane executive leading this country to oblivion? Triggering a political crisis with the potential to bring down the government? Showing to everyone he sees the connection between mass far right rallies occurring in London and Brexit? And the incredible risk the country is in, while most people sleepwalk through it?
“Well that would be great. I for one could do with a break from being dug out of the back of your imagination and made to pretend I work for a woman whose only friend is a friggin’ pot plant. In fact, I’ll be the first to say well done, if about bloody time too.”