Freakish and scary and totally unexpected news today as Britain’s travelling Secretary of State for International Clown Shows, Boris ‘Bojo’ (the clown) Johnson, has taken advantage of the security of May’s inability to fire anyone to stick the knife firmly into his boss Theresa Mayhem’s back, again.
“It shows his smarts,” our political arts correspondent commented, “if you’re going to plunge the knife into your boss you need to do it to a boss too terrified to respond, thus boosting your status in office politics and diminishing theirs.
This wound will fester.”
Presumably it also shows he plans more than one day at a time?
“I wouldn’t go that far,” our analyst says, “more his cunning. A kind of brute, animal cunning. Not especially developed, but serves well when ambushing weaker prey.”
But surely this is all just some big tent entertainment?
A centre ring careerist like Bojo needs to grab headlines or he’ll be sat alone in his dressing room applying his make up for the next show, desperately wondering if the crowd still loves him.
“Bojo is first and foremost an attention seeking journalist. Don’t forget that. He feeds off the attention like a leech on the calf of the great unwashed.
But he also completely misunderstood all the classics and history he’s studied and believes he’s emulating Churchill. Which is a bit f*cking rich. But it does to remember some people are capable of much greater degrees of self-deceit than normal.”
Okay. It’s a little hard to see why this customs partnership lark is back on the table at Downing Street anyway, given the EU have repeatedly said no to the idea.
“Mrs Mayhem is known as much for her repetition of self-defeating phrases and non-solutions as to her ability to abruptly about turn when startled. She’s not listening to the EU. She thinks she’ll find a magic solution and they’ll be dazzled.”
She’s an idiot? Or is she a clown too?
“The saddest clown I’ve ever seen, if that’s so. I’d go for the former description.”
Any other insights to add?
“Yes. If you think Boris isn’t maneuvering for a shot at being circus master, after the demolition of May’s human shield Rudd by Boris’ sister in law, and after the encouraging local election results for the Tories, then you’re too dazzled by the big red noses on show and not paying enough attention.”