A planned game of ‘Where’s Wally’ in the House of Commons has had to be scrapped as it was just too easy to find a Wally.
“It was supposed to liven up the atmosphere, as things are a bit down in the mouth lately,” leader of the house for the Conservatives, Andrea Leadsom MP (how?) told LCD Views, before going onto Radio 4 WATO to talk absolute bollocks unchallenged about ditching membership of the customs union.
She came back to us afterwards.
“Everyone is so down these days, we thought, why not put a spin on the classic book series of Where’s Waldo? and try and raise a little bit of money for Boris Johnson and Michael Gove’s potential need for a legal defence fund in the future.
You know, after that Cambridge Analytica scandal plays out fully, just in case they end up caught in it in spite of being completely innocent in everything they do and never, ever lying about anything.
I may add, the CA fuss seems to be ongoing with absolutely no pressure or help from Jeremy Corbyn and the rest of the Labour leadership.
But who cares about a little potential corruption of our democracy by malicious actors when Lexit is on offer, hey? Party before country is the way for us on both sides now. Ideology before common sense. It ain’t so common!”
To make the fundraising possible it was agreed that anyone in the Commons known to be a bit of a wally would put on a beanie hat and take their usual seat.
“Then everyone else had to try and find them,” Andrea explains, “once they were found they would have to donate to the possible defence fund. Anywhere from upwards of £350M a week! It was very enticing.”
But it seems that after all the beanie hats were dished out the chamber was found to be composed of so many Wally’s that the game was pointless.
“When you take in every remain MP that is now supporting Brexit, in spite of knowing it’s a suicide mission to make the 1% richer, and then add in the ERG and the Lexiters and all the MPs too gutless to speak up for truth…
You know those ones, the under the radar type who hope if they just keep their heads down on the subject somehow they’ll emerge unscathed, even though the entire country is set to be bought, sold and stripped of its component parts, before being sold on again. Those ones.”
That’s an awful lot of Wally’s!
“I know. The game was unplayable. Only Ken Clarke, Grieve, Soubry, Chuka (although he could change his positioning any day with the winds, but right now he’s in full remain mode…so…) and some others were found to not be wearing hats.”
Why don’t you turn it about and make the game to find the MPs that aren’t Wally’s?
“Oh my God! We never thought of that,” Leadsom nodded enthusiastically, “just like we never thought creating a toxic set of policies and setting out to make life as miserable as possible for as many vulnerable groups in the country as possible, so as to forment discord and confusion and sow the seeds for Brexit, would ever rebound on us.”
Good luck. You won’t raise as much money spotting the MPs that aren’t Wally’s currently, but at least the game will be playable. By the way, love the beanie.
“Thanks,” Ms Leadsom replied, “I put mine on even before we thought of playing Where’s Wally!”