Theresa May spoke briefly this evening in the House of Commons to reassure Russian President Vladimir Putin that his acts of aggression against Global Britain will not go unrewarded.
“Russia has carried out another act of aggression on our soil, with the attempted assassinations with nerve agent. and we are determined to make a success of healing the targets, so Russia can try again, and of Brexit.”
The Prime Minister went on to say that she would have “Boris ring around the EU27 to pretend to talk about more sanctions against Russia”, but Mr Putin shouldn’t lose any sleep on the issue because “I hardly think the Germans are in the mood to lose billions at our behest again, now that we’ve made Nigel Farage our face to the world.”
The statement is likely to be laughed at by Mr Putin and his friends, who are well aware that using London as an alleged money laundering facility for misappropriated state funds isn’t about to end under the Conservatives.
”May I also reassure our good friends in Moscow that Brexit still means Brexit, even though we know they used digital methods, via social media, to heavily influence the allegedly advisory referendum of 2016. Also, that the Scottish IndyRef was a likely test run of the strategy. But I won’t persoanlly be asking why Alex Salmond keeps popping up on RT.”
Finally the prime minister of the Global Britain added extra reassurance by the ending statement,
”It’s a good thing your flag is the same colours of our own, so everyone knows what I really mean when I say a red, white and blue Brexit.”
After the prime minister commended her statement to the house, leader of whatever passes for an official opposition nowadays, cult leader Jeremy “allotment” Corbyn gave his response.
”I like drinking tea. You can do whatever you like, because I know really, you’re just misunderstood.”
And everyone in Brexitannia slept a little better that night knowing what Global Britain really means. Amen.