LCD Views‘ Aspirations Vague correspondent has heard from a weary woman this morning that although we can’t have everything we want, “Boris Johnson stranded abroad by bad weather is a good start.”
The woman, known to her only friend (a pot plant) as Maybot, was speaking after she gave a vague speech at a big house in the centre of the big smoke yesterday.
The speech was designed to appease some ideological lunatics in a political party and apparently did just that.
Well, for twenty hours at least.
“The speech was a bit touch and go at times,” Maybot said, “it’s all vague aspiration and a direct warning to not invest in the United Kingdom.”
But she was confident most mainstream media, including the BBC, would report on it largely uncritically. Although Channel 4 might be a bit picky.
“All we really need to know is what my party, the Conservatives Party, think, as that’s all that matters. What will make injeritance millionaires and useful idiots happy.
So a general nod of approval from the ranks and then some nutter like Rees-mogg expressing qualified approval is bang on target for May.
This equals critical coverage, as our national broadcaster has united behind my sense of bewilderment and amnesia.”
What Mr Johnson thought of the speech is not entirely clear, due to him being stuck overseas with his thumb up his ass, in front of a big jet.
“I hope whenever he is,” the woman added, “he likes it so much he stays there.”
The pot plant, and for once an overwhelming majority of the United Kingdom, actually agreed with her on that, at least.