“pssst, pssst Liam over here…………”
“What is it Boris, i’ve got to catch another flight to sign a fictitious trade deal with Narnia. So i don’t have much time. You know how big T wants daily trade deal success reports and things have been a bit thin on the ground of late”
“Look, look ! Look what i have bought. I saw one in Farage’s gaff and i said at the time……oh, how… i want one of those.”
“What is it Boris?”
“It’s a Brexit bed, Liam.”
“Well that’s what the picture on the front of the box shows and now all we have to do is put it together….you and me. You said you could sign a trade deal in two weeks and being a doctor, you will have the qualifications to be able to have this made up in a jiffy.”
“Where did you get it from Boris?”
“From Idea out on the outskirts of the EU. They have loadsa stuff when you walk around their massive shop. Except this one seems to have arrived in a big cardboard box.”
“Are their any instructions Boris?”
“Pah!….we don’t need instructions Liam. Look, we have the picture on the front, how hard can it be? Ah, here comes Jacob he can give us hand”
“What oh…..what are you up to Johson minor and friend? You do know the big T can give you a detention for fraternising in groups of two or more. Big T has become a bit paranoid of late, with thoughts of fellow Westminster MPs hatching ideas of a coup.”
“Jacob, we have the magic Brexit bed and we need a hand to put it together, perhaps if you read the instructions, as you are such a stickler for checking Hansard.”
“Oh i don’t do instructions dear boy, I have a man to do that. But I am intrigued with the Brexit bed. It looks big enough for all of us to lie in it. Boris what are you doing?”
“Quick, quick, here comes Anna Soubry and Dominic Grieve. Everyone quick, stand in front of it. I don’t want her and Dominic to get sight of our special prize.”
Hello boys, what do you have there?
“Nothing that you would understand Anna,” said Jacob, “this is male talk.”
“Dominic, that looks like the Brexit bed that Barnier was talking about. Remember, he said that there was a manufacturing problem and that Brussels could not give it a CE mark as it was inherently faulty. Something about when you lie in it, you can’t stop yourself from lying.”
“I am already drafting an amendment to make Boris stay in this bed forever,” reassured Dominic.
“Oh, Boris…..you have to go and buy one of them, didn’t you? As I recall, Farage had one and he passed it on to Donald Trump as a presidential inauguration present.”