Theresa May handed her close friend Donald Trump a way around the impasse over funding for his border wall today by saying the U.K. would pay for the wall.
“I want to make this clear, this is our gift to our special friends across the water,” the pm stated, to the background sounds of a magic money tree being not just shaken, but chainsawed to the ground and turned into wood chips.
“All we ask for in return is the chance to talk about holding trade talks with the United States as we prepare to exit the European Union and take our place on a flatter Earth as a bold, buccaneering, swashbuckling country afraid of the dragons at the edges of the maps.”
There was no immediate reply from the White House.
An aide to Donald Trump did assure he would respond, only after he was sure May creating a Minister for Loneliness didn’t mean she was a loser no one talked to? Because he himself wouldn’t seek to help such people.
Before asking who Theresa May was again?
Is she blonde?
Does she accept hush money?
The aide suggested finally, “leave the money in bags at the back door of Trump Tower and Donnie will think about it.”
This will be interpreted by the British tabloid press as an enormous success, guaranteeing the financial security of a post Brexit U.K.
The BBC will also present it this way, for balance.
While there were some murmurs of dissent within May’s cabinet at the plan to send hundreds of billions of pounds to Trump Tower, in unmarked notes, there was support for the prime minister from a sometimes critical corner.
“This is perfectly sensible and pragmatic planning from our wise and matrononic prime minister,” J. Rees-mogg soothed, “Paying huge sums to secure trade deals will make us all richer.”
Mr Rees-mogg went on to explain that his investment business specialises in “emerging markets”.
Leading one to ask the question, just asking you understand,
Does doing business with regimes with a flexible approach to rule of law in anyway influence an inheritance squllionaire’s attitude to Brexit and the importance of charters of rights for everyday folk?
Work on the wall is due to begin Saturday with Boris Johnson demolishing the first Mexican home.
“Boris will swing the hammer!” May trumpted, hands clenched in the air.
This will be a symbol of the close and enduring, special relationship between the United Kingdom and POTUS. Not necessarily a measure of our moral fibre.