Neither senior, nor largely invisible, members of Theresa May’s Tory cabinet have plans to quit and hide under a rock, just before Brexit, a rock seller confirmed to LCD Views today.
”This is not an exclusive,”Mr Presley, owner of Rock ‘n Roll Rocks, told us during a visit to his Westminster showroom.
”We have rocks to suit any size and any budget,” he added, “all of them specially designed for easy access with luxury cavities inside. You’d have to have rocks in your head not to roll one away today.”
We paid Mr Presley a visit after a secret sauce, not ketchup, more mustard in colour, told us that it was a well known secret behind closed doors that pretty much everyone May bizarrely thinks we take bullets for her is planning to bolt at a minute to Brexit.
”It’s just sound career planning,” Mr Presley said, “if you’re not there holding the timer when it hits zero and the country explodes, it’s not your fault.”
Even so Mr Presley said he was struggling to keep up with demand and worried that some of the more boutique rocks may not be ready for delivery by 10pm March 29th 2019.
”Some of the demands are pretty niche,” he said, “large vaults to hide money in. Colour coded AI controlled entries to ensure only the right sort of person can get inside. Even wheels so the rocks can move while concealing the owner.”
But it’s good to know the people who are failing to design any sort of future for the country that isn’t just a tax haven ruled by right wing fascism will be there beyond the point of no return.
”This one here,” Mr Presley said, pointing to a rock that blended seamlessly into any background, “is not for the Chancellor. He’ll definitely be here April next year. What true blooded Tory doesn’t want to control the finances of the most vicious austerity budget the country will ever see?”