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Statue of Brexit voting British ex-pat ejected from Spain erected at Heathrow Airport

BRASS NECK : A WELCOME SIGHT is set to greet Brexit voters ejected as illegal immigrants from EU27 countries upon their return to England with the revelation that a statue in their honour is to be installed at the arrivals terminal at Heathrow Airport.

The plan is said to be the brainchild of an anonymous minister in Mr Johnson’s cabinet who hasn’t stopped travelling all through the pandemic, and for whom most of the current travel restrictions are tailored to suit.

“He kept passing the lines at the immigration hall, via the preferential treatment access, and thinking how nice it would be if any of the people lined up had a welcoming face to greet them. Especially if they were an ex-pat who for reasons best left unmentioned did not choose to apply for residency in their former home.”

The statue will be paid for by public subscription and is believed will be designed and installed by the weekend.

“The Prime Minister himself is said to have given the idea the greenlight while completely hammered on claret the other night,” the source reveals. “As such it is now top priority, as with any idea he likes while hammered.”

The materials to be used in the composition of the proud statue will be mostly brass around the neck, clay for the feet with an entirely empty inside.

“We’re going to stand it on a plinth sprinkled with sand from the Costa del Sol. People who have made themselves useful idiots for the international cartel of kleptocrats driving Brexit deserve to be honoured in a fitting way.”

No plans have yet been drawn up to commemorate the stress, hardship, expense and utter moral crime perpetrated on EU27 citizens who settled legally in the UK in the years before their rights were involuntarily downgraded by the British electorate.

“Who cares about immigrants?” the source added. “We do. It’s clear in our every act.”

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Why an Englishman’s word is still his bond

“Tory from the Irish word ‘toiraidh’ means ‘men on the run’. No one is entirely sure anymore what from, as Tory Britain has sensibly erased its memory of Irish history.” – Hackcourt Smyth-Fillbottom-Tryst, Camden-upon-Kensington, January 31st 2019.

Foreign types have long envied the international value placed on an Englishman’s word. Indeed, it is known to be his bond, just ask the Irish, Scots, Welsh, Cornish, Indigenous Americans, Russian bankers, Mistresses of the Prime Minister, Jeremy Corbyn or any other happy peoples favoured by fate to have received its balm like reassurance.

Unhappily these days the trenchfooted, cardboard boot wearing warriors of the armies of the “woke” are attempting to attach rather less palatable meanings to the proud and proper noun. We will not stand for this, we will sit down.

No less an honourable figure than the Prime Minister Alexander Boris de Pfeffel Johnson is now the focus for the unsavoury smear campaigns of the anarcho-communist syndicate.

But what about peace in Ireland? They cry. Well, what about it?

I refer you to Mr de Pfeffel Johnson’s own words when he advised Northern Irish businessmen (it is unclear at the time of publication if there are any Northern Irish businesswomen) to send any customs forms arising from Getting Brexit Done to him, so he could bin them.

As the famous Venetian Blind manufacturer Giseppie Cororalli wrote in his forward to his translation of the Merchant of Venice in 1496, “What problem is there if you can just forget about it and carry on drinking?”

Has any handwringing, so called entrepreneur yet bothered to ship the Prime Minister their forms?

It is thus his fault that no one can be bothered to go to a postal office kiosk, most likely now situated in the upstairs cupboard of a WH Smith, and send the forms to the PM?

We all know the address!

But just in case you have acquaintances that are slow to remember, or pedestrian on the uptake, the address is 10 Downing Street, London. There maybe more to the address, but I assure you the swarthy foot soldiers of the Royal Mail will see your missives well directed.

This all proves beyond a shadow of a doubt that the Prime Minister’s word is still his bond. Thus, any Englishman’s word is still his bond. All you have to do is put him to the test! Which I advise most strongly against.

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Boris Johnson to clap for Northern Ireland

LIKE A CIRCUS SEAL WANTING A FISH : THE PEOPLE’S PRIME MINISTER Boris Johnson has a lot on his plate these days. What with redecorating the Downing Street flat and planning for an “irreversible” pint next Monday. But that doesn’t mean he doesn’t have a few spare moments to think about the deteriorating situation in Northern Ireland.

“He’s having the think before today’s arts and crafts session with the empty wine boxes,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “And after he chooses what outfit he’s wearing for dress up today.”

The importance placed upon dealing with the rioting in Norther Ireland, which has been daily for a week now, shows just how capable a PM Mr Johnson is.

“He’s definitely going to work up a fix before he scrolls through his address book wondering which mistress to bang next week,” the source is certain. “He’s really concerned about the Irish. He is in no way colonially minded about the situation. It’s a bit of a shock really. No one at all saw getting Brexit done could lead to trouble across the Irish Sea. And if they did we denounced them as traitors and ignored them. So NO ONE.”

There are of course several possible solutions that spring immediately to mind.

“He could begin negotiations to rejoin the EU single market and customs union, recognising that this would protect the peace process and in all likelihood safe lives. But he won’t do that. How boring are other people? Especially ones you have never met who aren’t offering you any short term advantage? He could of course begin negotiations to find a long term way to re-unifiy Ireland. But again, yawn. Can you just imagine the texts from Foster? He’d need a new mobile number.”

It’s hard to see a solution then? Either the entirely voluntary project Brexit has to be betrayed or the people have to suffer.

“Don’t be so hasty. He’s got something up his sleeves. Or rather at the end of his wrists.”

What’s that?

“He can lead a clap.”

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Poker Cash Game

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Che ovviamente portano ad un gioco molto tight all’inizio e man mano sempre più loose con l’aumentare dei bui. Il Casinò Barcelona è noto ai player italiani in particolare per le apprezzate edizioni dell’EPT – European Poker Tour. Sta a te scegliere tra questi provider di gioco quello che più incontra le tue esigenze e il tuo gusto personale. Una versione ridotta (e di conseguenza più veloce) dei tornei MTT, in cui far valere sia la propria solidità sia la propria capacità di cambiare marcia non appena i bui salgono. La cosa va sicuramente a vantaggio dei giocatori alle prime armi che hanno modo così di crescere pian piano affrontandosi in un campo molto meno minato che in passato.

I tavoli per il cash game

Si parla tanto del vantaggio derivato dall’avere un big stack nei tornei di poker, e della conseguente possibilità … A parte tali eventi, in questa pagina troverete tutte le informazioni sulla poker room e le indicazioni logistiche utili per chi vuole vivere l’esperienza del poker live a Campione. Nella trasferta di Grinderlab all’EPT Praga 2025 abbiamo scambiato quattro chiacchiere con Alessandro “Deneb93” Pichierri ricordando un’intervista di un anno esatto prima, che necessitava aggiornamenti. Non è possibile iscriversi a poker room prive di questa autorizzazione, e nemmeno conviene poiché non si possono avere garanzie, trasparenza e affidabilità.

Seleziona il tipo di gioco

Se siete giocatori esperti, quindi, e siete capitati su questa pagina solo per scoprire i migliori siti poker online, potete saltare questa sezione. Tutte le piattaforme che vogliono operare in Italia nel rispetto della legge devono possedere una licenza di gioco ADM, per garantire agli utenti sicurezza, equità e correttezza. Per effettuare le nostre analisi, il punto cardine nel giudizio e nella selezione delle migliori poker room online è quello della legalità e quindi della presenza di questa licenza ufficiale, così come vale per i migliori casinò online AAMS. Abbiamo selezionato ed elencato i top siti per categoria dopo averci giocato a lungo e avendoli quindi testati al meglio. Infatti, anche se si tratta delle piattaforme più valide in assoluto, i migliori siti di poker online in Italia non sono tutti uguali.

Fotografia digitale: evoluzione, tecnologia e nuove possibilità creative

Se siamo giocatori tendenzialmente chiusi e il resto della compagnia al tavolo è composta da maniac è evidente che non saremo a nostro agio. Oppure se la partita è composta da autentici squali che ci impediscono di trovare il bandolo della matassa. Plexbet Poker è un’altra skin di iPoker, quindi condivide la maggior parte dei pregi di Lottomatica, ma con ottimi accordi di rakeback che la rendono una delle più interessanti online poker room in circolazione. Non può mancare in questa classifica poker room, una delle più vantaggiose skin del network People’s Poker.

Dunque un tavolo cash game composto in maggioranza da short stack è un tavolo da evitare. Scopri la comodità e l’emozione del nostro club di poker live con l’app LetsPoker – la tua fonte essenziale per tutto ciò che riguarda il poker. L’app ti tiene aggiornato sugli eventi più recenti del nostro club, dal programma dei tornei ai giochi cash, tutto in tempo reale. Benvenuto a Casinò di Campione by sisal app android PokerStars – il tuo luogo ideale per l’emozionante azione del poker live a Campione d’Italia, Italy! Siamo orgogliosi di offrire un’atmosfera entusiasmante e accogliente sia per i giocatori esperti che per i principianti.

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Boris Johnson could learn a lot of lessons from Henry VIII

The Churchill comparison is oft made. But a more apt parallel is the famous – indeed, infamous – Henry VIII. A giant among Kings, and an iconic figure even today, over 400 years since his glorious reign, Henry could teach Boris Johnson a few good lessons in statecraft.

Every schoolboy knows that Henry had six wives. Johnson, to date, has only had two, but it is the ruthless manner of those terminations that holds the lesson. The first marriage ended in divorce, but not before Henry moved Heaven and Earth – quite literally – to make it happen. Breaking from Rome presaged the modern breaking from Europe, but second time around Henry acted far more swiftly. Imagine how much smoother Johnson’s path would have been had he been permitted to execute Jennifer Arcuri.

It was not just inconvenient wives that Henry executed. Political opponents were also disposed of in this swift and effective manner. One is left to speculate whether, in more enlightened times, Johnson could have disposed of Keir Starmer, in the same manner as the turbulent priest, Cardinal Wolsey. Perhaps this would have managed to quell the endless mutterings about alleged incompetence and corruption.

On which, Johnson could learn a thing or two about financial management from Henry. Henry managed to bankrupt the country at least twice. Johnson, although obviously doing his best, has neither drained the treasury nor provoked war with France. These must remain as key objectives for his second term in office.

Scotland is another key area for Johnson. Henry endured mutinous rumblings from north of the border, but established control through battle. Nobody would suggest that a war with the treacherous Scottish Independence mob and their de facto leader, Nicola Sturgeon, is desirable. But the Jocks must not be allowed to dictate matters. Ultimately, leadership is all about taking decisive action. Sturgeon must be dealt with harshly, as one would with a filly who has taken ideas above her station. A period of rough wooing may be necessary.

And yet, Henry had achieved all this at a younger age than Johnson. Hurry up, Boris!

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The PM is too handsome to be faithful

It is typical of the double standards of the snowflake commentariat that it celebrates the infidelities of rock stars, actors and musicians but casts a furrowed and intrusive eye over the same behaviour when it comes to elected representatives.

I do not recall the Nolan Principles of Public Life giving guidance on personal matters, such as infidelity.

It is all very well to applaud when a teenage heart throb such as Errol Flynn, Handel or Mick Jagger is caught playing away, but when it is a serving MP suddenly it is a very different matter for the infantry of Antifa?

Indeed it is not for the governed to pry between the sheets of those who govern. It would be most unwise. Memories are recalled in pictures and you might happen upon the activities of some of the hairy communists. Those would be memories that not even the hot blade of psychoanalysis could excise.

So why then are all the libtard, anarcho-communists so upset over the activities of the Prime Minister? I’ve answered my own question, haven’t I? It’s double standards. Triple standards. Quadruple standards of high hypocrisy by the low born.

This brings to mind the famous sayings of the Ancient Greek moral writer, Shagadeus Prolifius, who wrote in 456 BC, “A man possessed of a lion’s virility would be disrespecting the Gods who sculpted him if he did not shag every bit of hot blonde totty who crossed his path.”

I say have at it Prime Minister! I know you stand hours gazing into the mirror of self-reflection. It is by God’s design that you sow your wild oats in every field you walk over. It is essentially a religious function to cast aside the concerns of petty mortals who fret and panic at the ballot box. Pah!

After all, it’s not as if having a PM who can’t keep it in his pants, and may potentially be misusing public money in his affairs, it’s not as if that is possibly a national security risk.

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Expats looking forward to a proper English summer holiday this year

GETTING A TAN FROM STANDING IN THE ENGLISH RAIN: Expats coming home from sunny Spain are relieved to be holidaying on the Costa del Skegness this year.

Many have expressed the delight at finally getting away from all that hot sunshine. So much better, they say, to shiver in an overcoat in driving rain and a howling gale on a shingle beach next to the North Sea.

Why sit around the pool all day, with sun cream, shades and endless margaritas, when you can huddle up outside a dirty beachside café drinking expensive instant coffee? All you need is that extra sovereignty and a Union Jack. Bugger Spain, we got our country back.

Classic English resorts are bracing themselves for an influx this year. Skegness is so bracing anyway. But towns like Great Yarmouth and Weston Super Mud are already investing in extra bunting and Kiss Me Quick hats.

“We have already dusted off the classic ‘No dogs, no blacks, no Irish’ signs in anticipation,” claimed traditional seaside hotelier Candie Floss. “I know it’s not exactly acceptable these days, but it’s my little effort towards the War On Woke and it’s what our more patriotic new customers expect.”

Many expats happily trooping in from Heathrow are making their way home to the cream of English towns, like Luton and Corby. They are excited to be holidaying in Clacton and Cleethorpes this year.

“I can’t tell you how excited we are,” said the happily repatriated Bennie Dorm. “The wife and I will be heading straight to one of the red, white and blue flag beaches with our knotted hanky hats. We are looking forward to a stroll along the prom past the arcades and the chip shops, eating British shellfish straight from the sea, and getting hammered in the local Wetherspoons. We can’t wait to grumble about some proper damp drizzly August weather!”

Gammon on sea. Coming to a resort near you.

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Boris Johnson blames Sadiq Khan for collapse in U.K. fishing

HOOK LINE AND STINKER : The Prime Minister is not one to let the purdah which covers the build up to an election get in the way of abusing his position. The recent televised update on social restrictions was no different.

“It all went exactly to plan,” a 10 Downing Street source told LCD Views. “The people’s prime minister empathised as only he can over the dark valley of Death he has led the people into and then abused the opportunity for dishonourable ends. Classic Johnson. Par excellence.”

And while many expected the Prime Minister to level the blame at the last Labour government for the collapse in the U.K. fishing industry post-Brexit, Mr Johnson was full of surprises.

“He drove a JCB right through that styrofoam mayor,” the source beamed. “I bet Khan was spitting chips. Much like the country’s fishermen.”

This will be because everyone now knows that not only did Mr Khan pick up the baton of massive debt that Johnson left TFL’s finances in, and fail to capitalise on it, he also destroyed fishing.

“So long as the client journalists refuse to correct the falsehoods of the prime minister his base will believe it. That’s what is important. By barring U.K. fishing fleets access to the London market Khan has done more harm to the industry than Johnson ever did by leading a campaign to cut fishermen off from their continental markets.”

Well.

“If you want to know the truth of things all you have to do is look at the tireless efforts of Mr Johnson when he campaigned in the fishing industry’s best interests in front of posters that said to Vote Leave.”

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Spain and France write joint letter thanking The Express as it urges Brexiters to boycott Spain and France

CREDIT WHERE CREDIT IS DUE : The peoples of Spain and France are in a grateful mood today as they consider the tireless efforts of British tabloids to promote their best interests.

Particular praise is being levelled at The Express, one of Global Britain’s most enthusiastic heralds, and their new drive to get Brexiters to boycott Spain and France.

While some are concerned that without Brexiters the economies of the countries face almost instantaneous collapse, the laidback continentals seem sanguine over their looming implosions.

“We would like to express our intense gratitude to The Express and indeed the other British tabloids, The Telegraph and The Spectator, for their daily drip feed of factually incontinent trash into the minds of their readers. The latest effort from The Express evokes from us a surge of warm feelings words can not possibly hope to convey.”

It seems the letter is based not only on the present, but what appears to be a boundless optimism for the future.

“It has been especially trying to witness people voting to cut their nose off constantly believing they have won something, by reducing their own rights in our countries. Simultaneously trashing the rights of the children of our lands back in the UK. Furthermore the confusion and understandable frustration of UK citizens who know exactly the travesty that is occurring, having to politely converse with Brexiters in the Spanish, or French sun. Once the Express has successfully won the argument for a boycott of our grateful nations by idiots, we will all be much happier.”

It’s not entirely clear how the letter will be received in the offices of the trash tabloid. This is predominately because it will come as a complete shock to discover that people in France and Spain can not only understand, but write in English.

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PM says “Tory MPs can resume their extramarital affairs as of April 12th”

PENT UP : The Prime Minister of England, Boris Johnson, has addressed the nation over the changes to restrictions on day to day life. These are a result of his intellectual and emotional inability to pursue an elimination strategy for the pandemic. Such a strategy could see normal life resume within our borders within weeks, as it has in numerous countries. But no.

We’re exceptional. And don’t you forget it.

Appearing at the chipboard podium, set impressively on a floor of secondhand acrylic carpet squares, he first smirked, winked, fumbled with something in his trouser pocket, and then got stuck in.

“People of England, we’re so close now to ridding our land of the virus,” so far so good, “But we notice that the Kent variant is raging, among others, on the continent. This is an opportunity too good to miss.”

The keeping of a low level of community transmission of the potentially lethal virus is important to whoever is supplying the millioms and millions of lateral flow tests.

“From April 12th you may go to the hairdresser, you may go and stand outside the pub. Essentially you can do everything you would like to again, while we pretend you’re not doing other things.”

Here he smirked. Winked. Ruffled his hair. Made some odd hand gestures. Wondered what he was doing with his life for an hour, with the sort of vacant and confused stare a pet dog has seeing a family cat given a prized morsel. Then he continued.

“And I say to my colleagues in particular. I know it has been difficult, stuck at home with your families at one of your homes, for so many months. Well, now is the time to unbox the burner phone and text her, or him, or them. Get back into it. Remember that no one has to resign for any impropriety so long as they support my project. Resume your affairs! With colleagues or whoever. And put what ever you like on expenses. We will pick up the tab!”

At some point there maybe a public inquiry over misuse of public funds, but it will determine it’s time to move on.

“But just remember, don’t start shagging each other outdoors again until April 12th. Thank you.”