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Liz Truss expected to say “Blitz Spirit” will enable voters to cope with high energy bills

BURNING BRIGHT : THE UK’S SECOND LAST PM BEFORE CHRISTMAS, LIZ TRUSS, is expected to address the impoverishing scale of energy cost in the United Kingdom sooner or later.

“Right now our focus is on which outfits Margaret Thatcher would have worn to sing ‘Hitler Only Had One Ball’ on Tock Tick,” an insider inside the Truss power team told LCD Views. “But right after that and her Instagram drops she’ll read the synopsis of some magical thinking on heating.”

The need to pretend to give a shit over fuel poverty, faced by millions of UK homes this winter, is only growing.

“We accept it is vital the next PM distract voters from the blistering scale of unexpected profits being made by the energy companies,” the insider admitted. “It won’t be much of a honeymoon for PM Truss if people are using burning pitchforks to chase her out of 10 Downing Street and not to heat their homes.”

How to deal with the crisis is one that the outgoing Prime Minister Mr Johnson has shown little interest in.

“That’s only reasonable,” our source confirms. “Are you going to be worrying about whether or not some dreary, work shy peasants are going to die of cold this winter when you’re having it large in the Adriatic to show your traitorous MPs what you think of them and the mess you’re leaving behind?”

But there is one lifeline Ms Truss is likely to grab hold of.

“Brits have faced winter blackouts and frozen to death in the past,” the Truss insider shrugs. “Blitz Spirit got them through before. We’ll just play a little game of it. Energy execs will hoover in cash in a struggle with food retailers for your last penny and while they’re at it PM Truss can implore you to show a little bit of the grit that allowed us to defeat Germany singlehandedly in all the wars ever fought by England.”

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Chicken Road Game Demo Play for Free RTP: 98%

Bplay Chicken Road

La mayoría de los casinos online proporcionan acceso gratuito a la Chicken Road demo con todas las funcionalidades del juego real. Esta aproximación en el juego Chicken Road se centra en ganancias pequeñas pero frecuentes. Esta estrategia minimiza el riesgo y te permite jugar durante sesiones más largas. Los jugadores en España deben utilizar operadores legales con licencia de la Dirección General de Ordenación del Juego (DGOJ).

Los jugadores aprecian especialmente el control que tienen sobre sus decisiones, a diferencia de otros juegos de casino puramente basados en suerte. Aunque Chicken Road es un juego bien diseñado, los jugadores pueden encontrarse con ciertos problemas. Uno de los problemas más extendidos son las aplicaciones fraudulentas y versiones falsas. Muchas apps móviles se hacen pasar por Chicken Road con el objetivo de estafar.

El Modo Noche sumerge al pollo en un ambiente nocturno con luces de neón brillantes. Durante este modo, cada obstáculo superado duplica el incremento del multiplicador comparado con el modo diurno. Esto significa recompensas significativamente mayores cuando juegas en la oscuridad. Un inicio con obstáculos altos indica una ronda corta – cobramos temprano entre 1.3x-1.8x. Los obstáculos bajos iniciales permiten avanzar más, pero mantenemos precaución ante cambios súbitos.

Apuestas y primeros pasos

Siempre tienes la opción de rechazar compartir información adicional. Las promociones cambian con frecuencia, por lo que recomendamos consultar las condiciones de apuesta vigentes antes de participar. Elige cualquiera de nuestros socios de confianza, reclama tu bono y ayuda a nuestra valiente gallina a cruzar el tráfico en busca de jugosas recompensas en dinero real. Solo ofrecemos Chicken Road a través de operadores que cuentan con licencias completas de juego remoto otorgadas por la UK Gambling Commission. Hemos optimizado los archivos del juego con hojas de sprites simplificadas y audio OGG/AAC entregado mediante streaming adaptativo HTTP/2, manteniendo la descarga inicial por debajo de 3 MB. Nuestras pruebas internas muestran tiempos de carga consistentes desde el lobby hasta el primer giro en menos de 3,2 segundos en conexiones 4G estándar en Reino Unido.

¿Los casinos pueden personalizar los niveles de dificultad?

Para los jugadores que buscan llevar su experiencia con Chicken Road al siguiente nivel, existen estrategias que pueden optimizar las posibilidades de éxito. Para un enfoque conservador, el modo Fácil es ideal para obtener ganancias pequeñas pero consistentes. Define objetivos de retiro realistas antes de cada ronda y ten la disciplina para cumplirlos. Ignorar el modo demo de Chicken Road es un error que puede costar caro; úsalo para practicar y familiarizarte con el juego antes de apostar dinero real. No hay una regla exacta, ya que el juego está diseñado para ser impredecible.

En cualquier caso, márcate un límite de pérdidas y un objetivo de ganancias antes de empezar. Gracias al tutorial integrado y al modo demo gratuito, dominarás el juego en menos de dos minutos sin gastar ni un céntimo. Puedes reclamar y liberar bonos dentro de la app de Chicken Road exactamente igual que en el navegador la misma billetera, saldo y condiciones.

Esta flexibilidad permite que bplay tanto principiantes como jugadores experimentados encuentren su nivel ideal de desafío. He probado muchas apps de casino, pero pocas funcionan tan bien como esta. El diseño visual es limpio, los colores no cansan y la interfaz responde sin demoras. La Chicken Road app ha sido optimizada para sesiones rápidas y seguras, lo cual valoro mucho. Al utilizar nuestros enlaces, desbloqueas automáticamente los paquetes exclusivos mostrados arriba. Tus tiradas gratis se acreditarán directamente en Chicken Road, mientras que los depósitos igualados pueden usarse en todo el catálogo de juegos del casino.

Tus ajustes preferidos se transfieren automáticamente, asegurando una transición fluida al juego con dinero real. Recuerda mantener los hábitos de juego responsable que has desarrollado durante la demostración. Los jugadores intermedios pueden optar por el modo Medio, buscando un equilibrio entre riesgo y recompensa. Los modos Difícil y Hardcore son solo para los más experimentados, que buscan multiplicadores más altos a costa de un riesgo considerable. Una estrategia progresiva, comenzando en Fácil y aumentando la dificultad a medida que crece tu bankroll, puede ser muy efectiva. El juego Chicken Road ofrece flexibilidad para diferentes estilos de juego.

Chicken Road utiliza un sistema Provably Fair de InOut Gaming, lo que significa que podemos comprobar la integridad de cada ronda mediante pruebas criptográficas. Para los pagos en España, los principales casinos aceptan euros a través de tarjetas Visa, Mastercard, Bizum, PayPal, ecoPayz y, en muchos casos, criptomonedas. A menudo recibimos comentarios de jugadores españoles sobre su experiencia con el juego oficial Chicken Road de InOut Gaming.

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Tory MP says sewage covered beaches “deters illegal asylum seekers”

THE SMELL OF SOVEREIGNTY : The Tory MP for Phistit-Phistitgut Reginald Scat has broken ranks with colleagues to laud the redecoration of England’s once pristine beaches.

While many Cons are expressing disgust at private water companies for doing exactly what they allowed them to do, Scat MP is having none of it.

“It shows how we can boost profits for Blighty’s wealth creators now we’re freed from the shackles of the nanny state EU,” Scat said. ”If we still had ready access to the chemicals we need to clean our waste waters we would not now be blasting our visible sovereignty out of giant pipes along the Sussex coastline. There is no more direct symbol of the throwing off of Brussels than British poo on British beaches.”

Scat, one of the 2019 intake chosen personally by Boris Johnson and Dominic Cummings goes on to suggest ”effluent is biodegradable anyway. All these woke eco warriors are perfectly happy to charge you five pounds for a plastic carrier bag but are up in arms over nature’s best, natural fertiliser washing up inshore? There’s a stink of hypocrisy in the movement.”

But sovereignty doesn’t stop with a liberal regulatory approach to waste water.

“Just take a moment to imagine the look on the faces of French fishermen seeking to rob our territorial waters of British fish! They’ll be thinking twice now. And the illegal people who try to reach our shores will be turning back at the first retch of sovereign water.”

Scat is certain to have sympathisers within his party for his views as most are holidaying this year in the Adriatic.

“The only British turd in view there is Boris Johnson. Which is nice. No one need feel homesick with him bobbing about near to shore.”

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Liz Truss vows to “Blame Brussels” for results of 12 years of Tory policies

LIZ FOR LIZ : The UK and EU can look forward to business as usual once the decrepit cult that runs Blighty chooses its third PM without a GE in six years.

The ability of the Conservative and Unionist Party to just decide who runs the country is one of the wonders of the Westminster system, regardless of how much damage each successive useful idiot chosen by the old bores does. The public would only mess it up if they got involved, just look what they’ve done since 2010! The Queen just nodding along is the icing on the cake.

“Liz is looking forward to photos with Liz!” a Liz Truss insider told LCD Views. ”Maybe they can even be Instagram friends? They could govern via social media together and get rid of Parliament. It’s just a wasteful rubber-stamp generating red tape anyway. Imagine likes and shares of double Liz?! OMFG. Blighty is back! Take that Argentina and whoever else Thatcher didn’t like! You know Liz is Thatcher? You know that right? Does Liz know? Not Liz. The other Liz. They can’t wait to be together.”

And be together they look certain to be, even if it’s only the occasional photo to show just how things deteriorated for the Queen at the end of her long reign. Truss won’t have to wait so long though, it’ll be going wrong from day one.

“It’ll be Brussels fault,” the insider adds. ”Just look at the state of the place today! And it’ll be Brussels’ fault tomorrow. It’s the modern Conservative way.”

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BREAKING : Dan the Clandestine Channel Threat Commander backs Truss for PM!

THEY SEEK HIM HERE THEY SEEK HIM THERE : FANTASTIC NEWS today for Tory PM candidate Liz Truss with the news that fictional character ‘Dan the Clandestine Channel Threat Commander’ has switched his backing from Rishi ‘The Flashy’ Sunak to Liz ‘How did I get up on this fence post?’ Truss.

The allegiance of Dan has been much speculated over with his creator, famous kids book author Priti Patel, remaining tight lipped about who he was supporting. But ever since escaping from the pages of Patel’s imagination and into real life Dan has been known to make his own decisions.

“IF Truss can hold onto Dan’s loyalty then she is a shoe in for Downing Street,” a Tory insider told LCD Views. “Having the backing of one of the most visible symbols of an outward facing Brexit UK is a prize trophy for a cabinet that is now overflowing with prizes for fictional creations. It’s not just enough to be claim to be able to reverse inflation by magic and get Brexit re-done by magic, you also need to have the creations of magical thinking in your corner.”

How Mr Sunak will respond to losing the support of Dan is anyone’s guess, but it is believed he is planning to join that useful idiot from the BBC in standing on the beach counting refugees. Feeding gammon what they fear most is definitely away to make up ground with Tory faithful.

“If Rishi gets on a boat and starts pushing refugee dinghies back with a paddle into French waters it may give Dan a moment of pause, but first you’d have to find him. And of course he’s so clandestine there’s always the chance of accidentally pushing Dan back into French waters and that would be terminal for Sunak’s chances. I suggest Sunak gives any moustache he sees on the water a tug to make sure it’s not Dan in disguise.”

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Shareholders to demand that the energy price cap is not so much raised as doffed

I KNOW MY PLACE: Energy company shareholders are demanding a bit more respect for their investment. No more simple raising of the price caps, that almost implies some kind of Woke equality. No, in future the cap must be doffed.

Forget the culture war, we are well into reasserting the traditional English class strictures. Or structures. The idle rich, with vast amounts of money and favours to bestow, must be regarded as demi-gods. Access to their benevolence may only come through worship. Only when a supplicant has grovelled, bowed and scraped, and relinquished all rights to property and humanity, will the demi-god consider the fact of their existence, and the possible usefulness of said supplicant to muck out his vast, centrally heated stables.

And so it is with energy bills. We, as lower orders, must happily pay whatever charges are demanded. Furthermore, we must write thank you notes to the benevolent capitalists whose munificence ensures continuity of supply. And if the charges are too high, well then, that is not the fault of the capitalists. Why don’t you dig your own oil well? Install your own wind turbine? You failed to take personal responsibility, and now you must face the consequences. Work harder! There are plenty of underpaid jobs out there. Sell your internal organs, or your children. They are, after all, merely assets to be bought and sold.

Doff your cap to your superiors. No cap? We will sell you one (price: one kidney). Oh, and make sure you wash. No water? Can’t afford it? Why didn’t you dig your own well? Use the river, it’s already full of your own filth.

OFGEM must be reminded who they work for. Pick the right side, for once. You work for the shareholders, who are the only tenuous protection for your very existence. Raise your cap. Raise it again. No, make sure you doff your cap. Be grateful to be allowed to maintain the illusions of democracy and consumer protection.

And don’t forget to curtsey as you freeze to death.

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We must all take personal responsibility for the cost of living, says MP who gets his paid on expenses

WE ARE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER: A Tory MP has advised his constituents that we must all tighten our belts because of the rocketing price of living. Which simultaneously has nothing to do with inflation.

“Everyone must do their bit,” said Bill Quarterly, MP for Grifter-on-the-Take. “We must all work a few more hours. We must all make sacrifices. Just think of the poor billionaires, desperately eking out an existence before their next dividend rolls in!”

And of course it’s the price rises which pay for those precious dividends. But there are other more pressing matters at hand.

“I personally am almost destitute,” claimed Quarterly, quaffing on vintage champagne. “I’m down to my last 20 rental properties, and unpaid rents are rising alarmingly. Eviction notices don’t come cheap!”

At least he will be lucky enough to be able to pay his bills when they land, heavily, on one of his front door mats.

“Fortunately I can claim it on expenses,” said Quarterly complacently. “Isn’t that what everyone does? I mean, the prices are off the blooming scale!”

What’s the solution to all our problems?

“Everyone needs to work harder so they pay more tax so I can claim my expenses,” he said. “And take a pay cut to stop inflation. Then tax cuts for the most deserving, as accurately measured by their net wealth.”

Ultimately if nothing is done, there will be wide scale poverty and homelessness. The rich will have squeezed the rest of the population dry. What then?

“Simple, we do nothing. There is no such thing as society, unless it can be monetised and sold,” he claimed. “Our great plan is nearing fruition, to privatise society itself! We will return to the good old days of Norman the Conqueror!”

Charter cities. Charter villages. Charter people. Most of us will have no assets left, will not be able to sell our labour, and will be forced to throw ourselves on the mercy of Jacob Rees-Mogg.

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Government planning for winter blackouts so no one sees Truss premiership

IF IT WALKS LIKE A DUCK AND IT…: Many people seem to be of the dazzling belief that the UK is solely governed by inadequates who are opposed by people who seem to believe, since 2010, that agreeing with the most batshit idea the Tories have is the way to oppose. Austerity. Brexit. Constructive during world beating death toll pandemic. Silent on industrial action. Well. The list of mistakes is long on both sides. But to believe this means the political class are not up to the job, as a collective, is to make a serious mistake. A mistake which fails to see the genius at the heart of the Conservative operation.

Even now as the UK gears up for a long and unhappy winter of fuel bills worthy of mortgages and withering trade with a tyrannical, rules based Europe, the Tories are planning to blind you to the new reality the aged, Thatcher porn watching membership is planning to force upon us. A Liz Truss premiership.

What will the UK voters think, all of them, not just the small cabal who elect our PM’s, if they can Liz Truss in action with real power? Or even Rishi “Born to Rule” Sunak? Once the U-turns and about faces and failures begin in earnest, the day they take office, it’s going to be difficult to hold onto office! Old Bojo has pretty much holed the Titanic below the waterline already, and he did it without an iceberg, or the Atlantic (well, maybe some help from across the Atlantic; all those dodgy “think tanks”).

But you won’t see the grisly reality unfold if you can’t see in the dark. And you won’t be able to see in the dark in a blackout because the candles will be in short supply most likely, due to nothing functioning anymore after 12 years of Tory adherence to failed ideology.

“This is why we’re foreshadowing winter blackouts now,” a 1922 Committee insider told LCD Views. “If the UK is in the dark then who will see the Liz Truss premiership?”

Genius.

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BREAKING : Liz Truss vows to call in army to “fight inflation”

MEME MERDE SEAU DIFFERENT : BORIS JOHNSON maybe MIA during the closes stages of what has been a rollercoaster premiership from walk-in fridge to lavish donor parties, but the UK’s next PM Liz Truss is everywhere at present.

Happily for the beleaguered UK Ms Truss is having none of it as she attempts to woo a tiny percentage of the country with a hot legged Thatcher improv, and ride their votes like a cowgirl all the way into 10 Downing Street.

While many expect the first thing on her agenda will be torching the Johnson’s ghastly new money idea of taste off the hallowed walls of the old townhouse, we maybe pleasantly surprised over what is keeping her up at night.

“Sabotaging Sunak is clearly my only goal at the moment,” Ms Truss told a small group of drooling old men at a local golf course in Norfolk, “but I’ve also half an eye on the cost of living crisis.”

This will be reassuring news for the shadowy funders of the Tory Party, as the main aim of British governance since 2010 is ensuring that the innumerable anonymous bank accounts in British overseas territories are stuffed to bursting with redirected taxpayer cash.

“To navigate the cost of living crisis and protect the UK’s vibrant money laundering and tax evasion sectors will be a key challenge of the next government,” a close observer observes. “Can Ms Truss convince the public that it’s nurses who are to blame for inflation while also enabling Tory donors to enrich themselves during the Monkey Pox pandemic? We have to cross our fingers and hope.”

Crossing fingers isn’t enough for the blonde maniac and Ms Truss has proven that with her latest policy announcement.

“It’s obvious,” she told her audience, before pausing and staring fixedly at a point in the distance no one else could identify, for a full five minutes without blinking. “I’ll call in the army to fight inflation,” she eventually added before blowdrying her hair live on stage into a Thatcheresque bouffant that saw local viagra sales limp that night.

With Ms Truss what you see is what you get, until she decides you want to get something else.

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Liz Truss vows as PM to “Shove levelling up where the sun don’t shine!”

TYRANTS GONNA TYRANT : THE UK’S NEXT WORST PRIME MINISTER, Liz Truss, has taken aim squarely at the WOKE MOB that have infested the Tory Party under wet blanket, bleeding heart, soft touch Boris Johnson.

In a major speech last night to the “Amateur Abattoir and Taxidermy Society” she vowed to be “a wrecking ball through the last vestiges of upward mobility” left after twelve years of strong and stable Conservative governments.

“You see them out there riddling the wood of our great oak,” she told a crowd of roaring, blood stained geriatric men, “with their flat screen TV’s and their mobile phones laughing at all your hard work. Well it stops the moment I take the throne! I will smash the TV’s of the poor! I will put all their iphones into a bag and hurl the bag into the mighty Thames! To the workhouse for them! The workhouse!”

During the speech, described by one present as “so erotic I had a vision of Margaret Thatcher midway through dressed as a French maid and passed out due to lack of oxygen” the UK’s next PM said she would stop “at nothing to make sure the poor know their place!”. To underscore this she added “I wasn’t raised up not to fall like a hammer on the anvil of equality and sunder it to pieces.”

How Mr Sunak will counter the latest appeal to the worst inhumanity in the governing party is not yet clear, but it is believed he will use the tax system and claim that “he never believed anyone earning over £80K a year should pay a penny in tax” and he’ll set that right if they “just agree to love me.”

Ms Truss is not expected to worry too much about any late running from her challenger.

“Once she told the old chaps that decide who is PM that she’ll take levelling up and shove it where the sun don’t shine she had the leadership in the bag. All she has to do now is declare war on the Argies and it’s into 10 Downing Street with a donor’s budget to redecorate and the weeping of the poor music to the ears of the Tory Party. The concept of accident of birth was killed under Cameron and Osborne. Liz will dance on its grave.”