The illusory Brexit Dividends have been whittled away. ‘Sunlit Uplands’ has been downgraded to ‘we survived worse disasters’. Just about the only thing remaining in Brexit’s favour is the Damoclean sword that is Article 50, or A50 for short.
Numerous groups have popped up on social media sites such as Faceblock, Snapcrap and Twit, devoted solely to lovers of A50. One hardcore Brexiter member of such groups has taken his devotion to new levels, by driving between Leicester and Stoke at every opportunity.
“I love to drive this route,” claims the aforementioned Brexiter, Ron Gendofstick. “To me, nothing says ‘Brexit’ more vividly than bypassing the East Midlands. Bypassing the EM is a metaphor for the fact that Britain will be able to bypass the EU without having to negotiate the notorious Brussels one-way system.”
LCD Views took the opportunity to travel the route with Ron, in order to unravel the mysteries of Brexit.
“Well, here we are in sunny Leicester,” said Ron, shaking the raindrops off his coat as we climbed into his classic Austin Cambridge A50. “Keep your coat on, the heater’s knackered. Oh, and the roof leaks. Here we go!”
Half an hour later, we were still stuck in the city centre. Ron missed the turning. “We’ll have to go round again,” he said. “Except the ring road is more like horseshoe shaped. It’s like where we are in the negotiations, going round in circles and getting frustrated. Bugger, more red lines, I mean red lights.”
Eventually Ron found the way out. Missing Coalville (“Bloody militant miners!” grumbled Ron) for a short pull up the motorway, before turning west to bypass Derby. A long and featureless drive ended with us plunging through Stoke on an underpass, before reaching the junction with the M6. What now? we asked.
“Nothing to see here,” Ron replied. “Better turn back and enjoy it all again!”
A long and pointless drive, just to return to where you started, but tired and worse off?
“That’s the Road to Brexit!” claimed Ron happily. “I’m going to do it all over again. Bye!”
But why drive from Leicester to Stoke in the first place? Simple. The best thing to come out of Leicester is the A50.