Financial crash imminent as government refuses to bail out Banks

In a stark warning, the government has decided not to repeat past mistakes. It will no longer pick up the tab for failures due to rash overspending. The government is no longer willing to bail out Banks.

The £8m payment made by Banks out of Russian deposits is under investigation by the NCA. Although it isn’t entirely clear, the rotten roubles seem to have been freshly laundered, starched and ironed, and delivered to Leave.EU as squeaky-clean sterling. This crisp, clean cash was then used to pay for dirty tricks.

We all know what happened next. Enough of the general public was conned into buying the pig in a poke that is Brexit. With Banks ducking the issue, the crows are coming home to roost, and a martyr is being thrown to the wolves.

The economy is hanging on slender threads. However, a bail out of Banks this time would admit the illegality of Brexit, and the unreliability of the government. The government will not bring itself down, it will wait for due process to do it for them. By which time, current MPs will have stepped down into cushy jobs as non-executive directors of whatever blue-chip companies remain.

Financial services spokesman, Robin Banks, was not a happy bunny. “It is deeply unfair that this has happened,” he grumbled from his cell in Pentonville. “Normally, a little misdemeanour like this can be sorted out with a shake of the magic money tree. Bail-out means bail-out. If the government will no longer underwrite irresponsible swindlers, then civilisation as we know it is at an end.”

Standard & Poor’s have downgraded Arron Banks from a useful idiot to a useless idiot. His Russian connections (allegedly, every Saturday night, and occasionally midweek if Mrs Banks is in the mood) are working against him. Russian wife, Russian money? Incidentally, there is no truth in the rumour that Mrs Banks’ maiden name is Novichok.

However, Banks has categorically stated that he has no immediate plans to visit Salisbury Cathedral.

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