Nadine Dorries, powerbroker for the stars of politics, has met the 1922 committee this afternoon to table David Davis’s demands before he’ll let the Tories make him Britain’s laziest prime minister.
”Zero hours contract,” Nadine threw down the gauntlet, tripped over it, spun in a circle, before landing on her backside, “and a RAF plane on standby to fly David to a 24hour bar 24:7. Also a luxury flat next to every pub in England, just in case he’s too trollied to be flown home after a gruelling day lifting pints.”
Runours have been growing like the mass fiddling of employment statistics lately of a push to replace hardworking Beta Brexit PM Theresa May with a work shy blowhard, in order to help make a success of Brexit.
”The tyrannical EU has met its match in Davis,” Nadine continued (on Twitter), “his SAS training is why he quit as Secretary of State for Exiting the EU after two years and a total of fcuk all work. But full pay, benefits and all the perks of someone actually doing the job. By quitting he’s tricked Barnier into letting his guard down. Those garlic loving fools think it’ll be easy to crush the U.K. now, but wait to see the looks on their faces when David emerges in camo paint from 10 Downing Street with a broken beer bottle in each hand.”
What May can do to stop the coup within the coup and keep Davis at bay is anyone’s guess. But we suggest rapid legislation to tie a Prime Minister’s salary to hours worked on a pro rata basis would probably see off David Davis.