Rumours Northern Ireland had taken the crown off Belgium for longest time without a government were put paid to today by a representative of the Guinness Book of World Records.
”As still a constituent part of the United Kingdom, for the time being,” Mrs Stout said, “Northern Ireland can not independently qualify to knock Belgium off the top spot.”
The reasoning is because the U.K. now wears the crown for longest period without governance.
”Arguably the government of the United Kingdom ceased to operate in any recognisable form on the 24th June 2016,” Mrs Stout explained,
“and definitely ceased to have a government the moment a basic AI system, still in the beta test phase, was elevated to the position of prime minister,
”We know what happened after that. Chris Grayling remained a minister. Liam Fox and David Davis were given their own ministries. Well, governance was over. Packets of mince, crooks and pieces of lumber don’t run countries, except into the ground of course.”
The acknowledgement of the UK’s world beating status in this coveted area has caused celebration in the ranks of influential politicians who are not governing anything either.
”This is precisely what Brexit is about,” Nigel Farage celebrated the gong, broadcasting his daily radio show, Nazis Today, “just imagine how we can build on this if Steve Bannon becomes PM? I mean, Boris Johnson.”
The official opposition were asked for comment on the record too,
”This just shows the vicious bias in the mainstream media,” a spokesman for retired intellectual and jam maker, JC, told us, “not one mention that with our current party leadership, who back Brexit just like the Tories, we have got the double,
”This is also the longest period in peace time for a democracy to go without both a functioning government and a functioning official opposition party.”
Credit where credit is due, across the political spectrum. U.K. take a bow, you’ve got a double.