In the land of blind people, the one-eyed man is king.
The man, looking doggedly and determinedly to the right, slammed the government’s compromised Brexit stance. The ERG’s vision is the One True Vision, he confirmed.
The monocular man – who at times sported a monocle – refuses to shut up until everyone agrees with him. “The will of the people is the will of the ERG, which is the will of the JRM”, he stated categorically. “There was a vote, and now I am duty bound to pursue it to its illogical conclusion, while coincidentally enriching myself massively.”
What’s good for JRM Enterprises is good for the country, he said piously.
The government was blindsided by this latest outburst. “We need to keep the one-eyed man happy,” said Helena Handcart MP unhappily. “Otherwise he and his chums will bring us all down. He has no scruples about it. After all, he’s more than ready to bring the whole country down.”
Damned if you do, damned if you don’t. Handcart likened Brexit to asking six hundred toddlers to decide whether they wanted their rose-tinted spectacles to have red frames or blue frames.
Eyes were rolling among the hard core of MPs still opposing the One True Religion. We spoke to one frightened MP, who wanted to be known as “Murky Freddery”. “It’s a case of one man, one goal, one mission,” he said darkly. “One flash of light, one real decision. I had a dream when I was young, a glimpse of hope and unity. Visions of one sweet union. Look what they’ve done to my dream!”
He went off in search of food, muttering “gimme gimme gimme fried chicken!”
Meanwhile the one-eyed man was still focusing exclusively on one side of the debate. “It’s not up for debate,” he declared. “I’m right, and I know I’m right, and I will impose my point of view upon the country until it sees the light.”
“There’s none so blind as them that will not see,” he concluded, ignoring the branch of Specsavers right in front of him.