LCD Views has the breaking news today that a fiendish plot by unelected, traitorous, disconnected, elite, metrocrat bubble, rye bread eating, centrist, libtard, treason craving, leader undermining, rough sleeping causing, negotiating hand tying, ignorant, arrogant, undemocratic, avocado smashing, FRENCH champagne drinking, remoaniacing remainers to sabotage post Brexit diplomatic relations between London and outlying counties has been exposed.
“People began phoning the emergency services around dawn,” a spokesman for the prime minister told LCD Views, “they saw millions of people out alongside the M25 with shovels and crowbars,
“They were clearly up to no good at all. They’d ringed London like a viking army of legend. And some of the beards! So many hipsters. The alarm was escalated rapidly to the highest levels of government.”
But Ms May was busy choosing her neck chain for the day, an especially fat and powerful bit of chain to overpower Merkel in their meeting later, and there was a considerable delay before action was taken.
“She just assumed at first Grayling was getting on with infrastructure work,” the aide explained, “which was odd, as that is one thing he never does,
“When she realised that wasn’t the case, she just assumed it was McVey and the DWP putting lazy, benefit cheats to work. Any busy work will do. So long as it means they miss their latest assessment and get kicked off Universal Credit. That’s how the system is designed to work. We’ve targets to hit. Don’t get in the way of the target, you’ll get shot! ha!”
But this also was incorrect?
“Yes. The time lag taken to summon Cobra almost allowed those traitorous Londoners to get away with it! There’s many immigrants in London you know. A lot of EU27 nationals too. Ms May sees them all the time. She knew they’d be up to no good, because they’re foreign. Ms May can spot a foreigner at fifty yards.”
But what has Ms May done? We’ve been out along the M25 and they’re still digging furiously at the side of the road. It looks like the entire M25 is being upended onto its side to form a wall around London! They seem to want to keep all the potato headed kippers out!
“Oh, it’ll will be alright. May has gone into the Temple Brexit and summoned the will of the people from the depths of fascist hell. Once she has harnessed the power fully in her hands she will channel it into a parliamentary instrument, which doesn’t need oversight or approval from MPs, and zap all those sabotaging remainers to dust. You know, internment camps for wrong thinkers. Labour leaders are well up for that too. Don’t go undermining the leader by pointing out the obvious, cynical, populist crap he’s spouting when he should be acting like an opposition and tearing down the most vile and duplicitous administration anyone can remember!
“G4S is looking at a post Brexit boom almost as big as the tax dodging industry. Get in now before the stocks boom,
“The M25 will soon fall flat again and everyone will still be able to access London for the food rioting in the spring of 2019. Londoners will not be allowed to build a wall, even though those greedy bastards can probably pay for it.”
We’ll that’s a relief. I’ve got my pitchfork already. Democracy must not be allowed to be subverted.
“Except by lying, corruption, fraud, foreign interference, cynical promises on buses and evasion of parliamentary scrutiny.”
Quite.