A spokesman for the greatest Conservative prime minister of the period in British history between 2016 – 2019 has denied the farseeing administration is now the definition of insanity.
The spokesman agreed to talk to LCD Views, but only on the condition we did it while standing on the edge of a Dover cliff with a fish on our head, and importantly, one leg dangling over the edge into the air and a stiff British breeze to our back.
”Mind the gusts,” they advised, “some are pretty gusty. You could be blown over.”
We agreed to be mindful and declared ourselves ready for their statement, while wondering how long the fish would stay fresh in this heat.
”Just because we keep taking big slabs of cake and smearing them down a unicorn’s horn before jamming the unruly animal on a Eurostar so it can be sped to Brussels,” the spokesman declared, “where it will be ritually slaughtered by facts in the hands of some rules based system, doesn’t mean we’re nuts. It means we’re persistent. It means we’re stable. If at first you don’t succeed try, try and try again.”
They tottered some as a gust gusted.
But surely as news breaks that Theresa May is running around her cabinet holding yet another cherry picking piece of paper, titled VOTE FOR MY BLOODY DEAL and begging her vegetables to back it, it’s looking more likely that the prime minister and her cabinet of millionaires aren’t listening to a damn thing the EU, and reality, or much of the public are saying?
”Shush now. Mind the seagulls. They’re eyeing up that fish. You could get pulled over. Don’t say another word or you risk tying the prime minister’s hands.”
But she’s already handcuffed them with a set of manacles made out of barbed wire with her red lines.
”Now you’re being unpatriotic! Get behind Britain and push!”
The EU laid out their position long ago. It hasn’t changed. Dozens of countries can only work together if they agree on rules.
“Rules are for the weak! How do you pull off a con of the asset stripping magnitude of Brexit by obeying rules?”
Clearly not by obeying electoral ones.
They stamped their foot and a spray of dirt was picked up by the breeze as the cliff edge crumbled a little.
Don’t you think you should step back from the edge? Before it’s too late?
”You just wait and see. We will keep repackaging proposals that the EU has already rejected until they get fed up and realise…”
They realise what?
”They need us to go away more than we need them.”
You’re insane.
”And you’re standing on the edge of a cliff with a dead fish on your head. What’s that make you?”
Ready for an interview with Nigel Farage?