LCD Views can report this morning of a total bargain to bid for on famous auction site Ebay with the listing by an anonymous account of an unopened Brexit.
The Brexit, still in its box, has been listed at £200M per week as a reserve price and can apparently be shipped to a tax haven anywhere in the world, UK addresses, Trump Towers or the Kremlin for a large additional fee detailed as fintech, aerospace, agriculture, auto-manufacturing, the NHS, dreams of faded glory and self respect.
“The image is a little blurry,” our internet shopping expert advises, “the box is scuffed so far as we can tell. It says ‘each Brexit has never been opened’ in the listing detail, but if you look closely you can tell someone has opened the box, closed it and re-sealed it with enough tape to sink a battleship.”
There is a ‘buy it now’ option, and the seller states with confidence that “17.4M people have already bought an individual Brexit, bought it hook, line and sinker”.
“Returns are possible, apparently,” our experts continues, “but the seller advises the purchased Brexit must be returned to your local MP’s constituency office via letter or in person. And if necessary by peaceful street protest for weeks on end in the autumn of this year as the car industry burns to the ground.”
Apparently the bidding for the Brexit was initially ferocious, but the number of people is dropping away the longer the auction goes on.
“I’m a bit surprised Ebay has even allowed the listing to be honest,” our expert muses, “it’s clearly a dodgy product that won’t work as sold. It also says batteries are not included, but in spite of googling I can’t find any information on Brexit batteries, how much power one needs to hold in the Lords, best battery life, costs or where to purchase one?”
How many working parts does it have?
“None. But I did find an image of the components. There’s a shed load of racism and stupid in each Brexit. I wouldn’t bid for one if I were you. Apparently it smells of dead fish.”
Yeah well, the people have had enough of experts.
“Stupid people still have, yes. But many are also waking up to how they were sold something dodgy and are beginning to return it en masse.”