LOVE THEY NEIGHBOUR : LABOUR are going to have a struggle to take 10 Downing Street from the Conservative Party at the next GE, and it’s not only because of their stated desire to help make the key Tory policy of Brexit work.
“We’ve been treating the UK population like shit since we returned to power in 2010,” a beaming Downing Street spokesman told LCD Views, “and anyone who dares to think we’re a beacon of hope.”
From Osborne demonising people receiving any welfare, to noted churchgoing humanitarian, Theresa May, and her famous “Go Home Vans”, the current downward trajectory of the country was signalled right at the start.
“But still there’s a question of whether or not we get to rule by executive power through the 2020’s,” the spokesman shrugged. “It’s a little baffling to be honest. So we’ve had a groupthink and come up with a plan. It’s on Whatsapp.”
The plan appears to be to continue trashing all and every thing that makes a community within the UK, in the service of extractive, vulture capitalism, but to double down on making life even harder for the most desperate people on Earth. So local people get a feeling of still winning.
“If we promise to really make life suck for refugees that should make people here feel relatively better after the fact we’re half freezing and half starving them all to death. And getting rich in the process. It’s pretty straightforward really. And it’s a vote winner. It also shows the world who we are.”
Labour have been quick to criticise though, demanding that public floggings return to village squares so they can criticise the policy and state they’d only bring back “stocks and pillories instead.”
“This is how it works,” the spokesman added, “we come up with something totally insane and the opposition find something to criticise in it, but generally offer their support. It makes sense, if you like having perpetual Conservative governments.”
The tax havens sure do. And the foreign billionaires who own most of our press.
“Tax dodging foreign billionaires. Now that’s one group of foreigners we never oppress.”