ONE DAY AT A TIME : They say a key test of anyone’s psychological maturity is the ability to wait patiently for delayed gratification, and the UK’s most famous contemporary scribe, Sue Gray, seems determined to test the UK’s psychological maturity.
Although rumours suggest it is not a reluctance to enter the bestseller charts at No. 1 on the day of release of her magnum opus, but the sheer volume of source material that needs must be researched before she starts her first paragraph.
“That’s nonsense,” a 10 Downing Street spokesman scorched the rumours, “we’ve got her locked in a basement.”
The revelation that Sue Gray is being kept in a Downing Street basement has been met with skepticism however because it is widely reported in Westminster that the basement “is still kitted out like a torture garden for mass orgies, just like it was on the first day of the pandemic”. Which only points to the ability to forecast future needs by the Prime Minister.
Still, the need for the triple album special by the Sue Gray collective, working title “Partygates”, is only growing.
“It is true that the report will boost the UK’s gross domestic output by several percentage points,” the Downing Street spokesman said, returning to the podium, “but that’s no reason to release it. Poor people have plenty of mud to eat.”
While the waiting and speculation is certain to continue the most viable reason remaining for the delay in release of a statement of the blindingly obvious is that Sue Gray has been abducted by aliens. The only thing remaining now is for the right obscure Tory MP to be selected and shoved into the public glare to declare it.