LOVE OF MONEY IS THE ROOT OF ALL EVIL: And it’s vital that The People are weaned off their addiction to cash. Tax rises and benefit cuts are for their own good.
Factor in the increases in the price of food and fuel, and most of the British population will be going cold turkey. After all, who needs money? The government, after all, employs world beating experts on financial matters. They hoard all the dosh, on behalf of the rest of us. And it’s all for our own good.
The foremost expert, naturally, has an enormous quantity of money, but this merely qualifies him to tell us how unimportant it is.
“Money solves nothing,” announced the millionaire, Rishi Sunak, during his pre-budget pre-leak pre-speech. “OK, so it helps to keep a roof over your head, and food on the table, and other such luxuries. It’s time that the British people learned to find new ways to survive. After all, our distant ancestors didn’t have money, and they survived! Just about.”
Making life unnecessarily difficult for millions of people is simply doing them a favour.
“Like many other people, I get bored easily,” Sunak explained. “Money doesn’t help, to be honest. It’s like a test, to see if you can negotiate a set of hurdles. It’s like teaching a lab rat to dance a polka, and rewarding them with food. It’s good to have a challenge!”
If that’s so, then how come it doesn’t apply to a millionaire who is married to a billionaire?
“I have a hobby!” said Sunak. “It occupies a great deal of my time. I would recommend everyone to get a hobby, once they have worked out how to survive and thrive with absolutely no resources!”
And what is this hobby of yours?
“Raising taxes and cutting benefits!” he said. “It keeps me nicely busy.”
And presumably working out how to stop Russian funds ever reaching anyone who might actually need them.