BREAKING : MPs demand multi-million pound pay rise after losing major sponsor

PAY TO PLAY : NUMEROUS UK WORLD LEADING CONSERVATIVE MPS are said to be deeply moved and distressed over the warmongering of Russian President Vladimir Putin and what it means for the United Kingdom’s governance.

Strong and stable government has been the hallmark for the UK since the Tories returned to power in 2010 but the revolutions in public funding, the reduction of the UK defence forces and the great strides towards glorious isolation made by successive Tory governments doesn’t come for free. The paltry financial rewards for public service available in the UK system must be beefed up to ensure a vigorous government.

“I’m not going to name any names,” an anonymous and fictional MP told LCD Views, “but we’ve had to set up the Sponsorship Research Group to look into ways to replace the funding we’ve abruptly lost because of the war in Ukraine.”

Correlation is not of course causation.

“Clearly the millions in donations from Putin linked figures over the years were merely philanthropic because of his desire to spread democracy as far as possible,” the MP stated. “Nothing was ever asked for in return. Not even Brexit. We thought that up all by ourselves because we’re the biggest empire in Europe. I repeat we never did any service in return for the donations. Nothing was ever asked of us. We were just happy to be able to help all those oligarchs manage their portfolios.”

Quite how the public will feel about replacing the millions in future donations lost isn’t yet clear, but it’s felt by the SRG that the public must pay.

“It’s only fair. They keep voting for us in spite of our record in government.”

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