SINKING SHITS : WORLD BEATING UK PRIME MINISTER BORIS JOHNSON is said to have gotten his political affairs in order and to be focused on making the best of his time left in 10 Downing Street.
While press reports declare the UK’s worst Prime Minister since the last one, Theresa May, is in a bullish and confrontational mood, Downing Street insiders report a more mature appreciation of his political fate.
“All political careers end in failure,” a recently departed 10 Downing Street staffer told LCD Views. “And some failures are bigger than others. Take ‘the Boss’ as an example. He’s failed the entire country.”
But personal failure is no obstacle to Boris Johnson and he is incapable of recognising it. Which explains his hitherto success.
“He’s now going to focus on his legacy,” the staffer remarks. “What is he leaving behind? Clearly the gold wallpaper, but what of his works?”
What of his works indeed as the United Kingdom enters a period of splendid isolation not rivalled since the early 1900’s and living costs become unsustainable for all but the inheritance millionaires who appear to believe that looting the country is what governance is all about.
“Just how big a bin fire can one man leave behind?” the staffer wonders. “With Boris Johnson we’ve the right man at the right time to find out. I would expect it to be visible from space. Actually, it already is if you are orbiting over the Dover lorry queues.”
Some Prime Ministers attempt to govern in the public interest, but Mr Johnson has proven himself to be something entirely different to most.
“He’s going to adopt a scorched earth policy as his legacy,” the staffer says. “He will take the entire Conservative Party down with him if he gets it right. But that’s dependent on how long they let him drag out the longest political death in British history.”
But if he can get it right he’ll at least leave behind a legacy many will celebrate as they stand in the food and fuel ration lines.
“After all, leave means leave. It’s just that Mr Johnson is a little hard of hearing. Let’s hope he’s physically dragged out.”